Death & Dying / Question
Published: October 29, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
In March 2002 my sister was killed by her school bus when she was crossing the street to my house. I feel like I have never been able to talk to anybody about it. I went to a therapist for a while with my family, but I felt uncomfortable talking there. At school, everyone treats me differently. People don't like to talk to me because they don't want to say something " wrong". Guys won't go out with me. I used to talk to my sister a lot. I feel I can't burden my friends with all my feelings. When I talk to adults I feel weird because I feel they don't understand what I feel. I know it would be easier for me if I could talk to someone. Someone besides God. Plus having feelings bottled up inside me no guy has ever showed interest in going out with me. I feel so alone - please help.
Signed: Frustrated and Feel So Alone - Sister Died
Dear Frustrated and Feel So Alone - Sister Died,
TeenHealthFX hears how upset and sad you are; we are so sorry for your loss. Losing your sister so tragically must be extremely painful for you. The bond shared between sisters is an incredibly powerful one. To have that person taken from you at any age is extremely difficult to handle. Having support is crucial. You are right in that it would be a whole lot easier for you if you were able to talk to someone about what you are experiencing. Even though you have seen a family therapist in the past, TeenHealthFX thinks that it would be a good idea to give it another shot - perhaps this time on your own. Over time, a good therapist can help you to sort through your feelings, communicate about even the most difficult subjects, and learn to deal with what has happened so that you can start to heal. Having it all bottled up inside is not going to do anyone any good - least of all you.
Try to be patient with the other kids at school. Surely they do not mean to make you feel isolated. It is natural for people to feel awkward around those that have suffered traumatic events like you have. Once you are able to deal with all that has happened and the healthier you become over time, you will hopefully find that is far easier to reach out and have relationships with your peers. Just remember that these things take time and patience for everyone involved. Give yourself the time and attention you need to heal, and try to allow your friends the same.
Please try to talk to your parents about what you are going through. They might understand better than you think, especially if you tell them how sad you have been feeling and how you have been isolating yourself. If you feel that you absolutely cannot talk to them, then talk to another trusted adult like an aunt or a teacher, school nurse, or school counselor. You might also want to look online of a grief and loss support site such as Counseling For Loss . These offer online support groups, offline resources, articles about dealing with loss and other resources that you might find helpful.
Lastly, if you live in the Northern New Jersey area, you can call Atlantic Behavioral Health's Access Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400. They can refer you to professionals who can talk to you and recommend what kind of treatment that will be best for you. Rest assured, there is definitely a way to help you to feel better.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. A total of 17.7 million women have been victims of these crimes. 
