Depression / Question
Published: August 31, 2004
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm writing to you now because I've been so depressed for the last year, I have suffered from severe acne which has totally messed my skin up, not only that but my hair line is receding, and also I am gay. Just a few of the reasons why I feel there is no point me being alive anymore, there is just so much tension in my life, like I'm attracted to some guys but secretly I hate them because they are more attractive than me and don't have the hairline of a 45 year old. Physically and mentally I feel so old, like its time for me to pass away anyway, you say suicide is a solution to temporary problems but you said yourself that a receding hairline cant be fixed, which is also a nightmare for me because I have big ears. I feel so useless and powerless and I even blame my parents for my happiness, If I kill myself sure it will be a spiteful and selfish thing to do to my family but still I feel it was spiteful and selfish of them to bring me into this life. I kept a diary and once my mother found me writing about my suicidal thoughts, it scared her and she told me shed been crying ever since then she's just been telling me there's nothing wrong with me as if everything will be ok in the end, but I know very well that it wont its all down hill from here its not that I want to die, its just that I don't want to live, fair enough if it was something that would eventually blow over but my problems are permanent and make my life frustrating, when I told my dad about me going bald he just laughed and I'm glad someone finds it funny because I don't, everything seems to contradict everything and I feel any moment I'm going to snap, I've kept my cool so far but only because I've planned a date for my suicide, I made this a long time ago as I felt I needed to give things a chance but it feels like I've missed that chance which was never given to me, is there any point in me being alive anymore because I honestly don't seem to think there is.
Signed: Bald & Gay - Depressed
Dear Bald & Gay - Depressed,
TeenHealthFX understands that you are in pain. Feeling depressed and wanting to kill yourself is a difficult way to live. Killing yourself because you do not like the way you look or because of your sexuality is an extreme way to deal with what is going on in your life. You are right, baldness will not go away, however, losing hair is something that millions of men (and women) deal with on an everyday basis. Also, acne is a skin problem that responds well to medical treatment .
We urge you to talk to your parents about how bad you are feeling and that you want their help to get the treatment you need in order to to deal with your suicidal thoughts and depression (which also can get better with the proper treatment). You can also check out our links section for resources for youth who are gay.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call or log onto the National Hopeline Network at 1.800.SUICIDE (800.784.2433), 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
At least 50% of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives.
