TeenHealthFX - Answers - Hate Myself The Most

Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: December 26, 2002

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I have a problem where whenever I begin to do something right, I want to stop whatever it is I'm doing before I start doing it wrong. This usually happens online. When I make an online friend and talk to them for a while getting to know them, after a certain point, I begin trying to avoid them. For some reason I want to stop associating with the person altogether before the person begins to dislike me. I want everyone to like me, I can't stand it when someone doesn't like me. The problem is since I'm overweight alot of people don't like me, and in the same way I don't like alot of people. I isolate myself from people so they can't hurt me but all I really want is people to like me. When I have a friend I have to know that they like me and completely trust me, even if I don't trust them. Out of all the people I hate, I hate myself the most. Let's say I wanted to kill someone, well the person I want to kill most is the person I hate the most, and that would be myself. Also I can't find a way to relieve stress or let out my anger. I'm a straight A+ student, but I want to dropout of school. When I get mad I have no way to cheer myself up and I just get more and more mad. Little things can make me really mad. Once I punched the wall because of a little thing making me mad and I ended up smashing a huge hole in it. In the same way little things can make me happy. Any small thing that happens though, I completely over analyze and make a huge deal out of it, the tiniest thing can make me really happy or really mad. I hate myself so much and the only thing I want in life is a girlfriend, but I feel like a girl would never go out with me, becasue I don't even like me, so who would? This makes me feel like the only thing in life I want I can't get, therefore I should just end my life. I feel like maybe if I get alot of money then a girl would go out with me but I still wouldn't get what I really want. I really want a girlfriend that loves me and trusts me and always wants to be with me. I love girls and I coul

Signed: Hate Myself The Most

Dear Hate Myself The Most,

TeenHealthFX hears how frustrated and upset you are. It sounds like you are dealing with many different issues that combined have become overwhelming to you. Please know that you are not alone. Many people your age struggle with similar feelings and have written to us for help - we are glad that you did too.

We all want the people in our lives to like us. To be accepted and loved is a basic human need shared by people of all walks of life and ages, but seems particularly important during adolescence. Having real friends who truly care about you is an enriching and wonderful part of life. If people are being unkind to you because of how you look or whether or not you have money, then they are probably not ever going to become the kind of quality friend you are looking for anyway.

But before you can look to your peers to accept you, you have to first learn to accept and love yourself for the special and unique person that you are. That can be easier said than done - but often talking to someone about these issues can help. You have taken the first step in writing to us, now go a step further and reach out to a trusted adult who can get you the support you need to feel better about yourself. Once you do, you will find that forming relationships with others will be much easier.

You need to talk with your parents, or if you are uncomfortable talking with them, find another trusted adult, teacher or school counselor that you can confide in. Let them know what you have been going through (you can even show them this answer) and let them know you want help. They will be able to help you find a professional therapist who can help you work through your anger and frustration and make friends.

If you live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Access Center of Atlantic Behavioral Health at (888) 247.1400 for help in finding a therapist.

Also, type in "friends" into our search engine to see some of our answers to questions other teens had about making friends.

If you do feel like you are going to kill yourself, please seek immediate assistance. If you live in northern New Jersey, call the 24-hour CRISIS HOTLINE at (973) 540.0100. Outside Northern New Jersey, call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline 1-800-999-9999.

Signed: TeenHealthFX