Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: December 17, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have a friend and she is real pretty but she has low confidence. She will be 15 in December and has never had a boyfriend or been kissed. When she was 10 her father told her how it would have been easier if she were never born, so I think this contributes to her low self-esteem. My friends and I always tell her how pretty she is and not to worry about it, but she always does. She has been depressed for a real long time. What can I do to help?
Signed: Friend Depressed And Low Self-Esteem
Dear Friend Depressed And Low Self-Esteem,
Your friend is very lucky to have a friend like you. Having people who care for you to support you through tough times is one of the most important factors in being able to feel better again. You are helping just by writing to us.
Many people - particularly at that age - struggle with issues related to self-esteem. Self-esteem is not about being pretty, or having someone tell you that you are attractive. Rather, it has to do with having confidence and satisfaction in oneself. To have self-esteem is to respect yourself. Appreciation of who you are is self-esteem. You must be aware of your weaknesses as well as your strengths. You must believe in yourself and accept yourself to have a positive self-concept.
For more information on self-esteem and suggestions on how to start to develop a healthier sense of self-worth, have a look at our answer to Modeling and Self-Esteem. You might even want to print it out and show it to your friend - hopefully she will find it helpful.
The reality is that despite how she may feel right now, your friend is a special person. But, if she is not seeing it and is still feeling depressed, then therapy could help her. If she would like help finding a therapist she can talk to her pediatrician, school counselor or school nurse. If she lives in northern New Jersey, she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
The risk of motor vehicle crashes is higher among 16- to 19-year-olds than among any other age group.
