Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: January 12, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My best friend just got out of a relationship with a guy the basically swept her off her feet. When he broke up with her, she was fine. Whenever I see her she's smiling, happy, joking around, showing no sign of pain what-so-ever. I don't understand this, she really loved him and they had an intimate relationship also.Whenever I or anyone else asks if she's sure she's ok she just says "of course", " yeah I'm fine, really," or "I'm sooo good, no worries." Some things I have noticed though is she never has an appetite anymore. She see's something and says it looks good, but when she goes to eat it she takes two bites and thats it, she's done. Normally when she's depressed she's eats, so I don't know if this is a sign or not. She's never been the type to stop eating. The only thing she ever wants to eat now is candy, she's constantly craving it. I know this sounds weird, but none of this is like her at all, then we saw my aunts new baby the other day and she turns around and says "aww I want one," she has always told me she never ever wants kids, which again is odd behavior on her part. I guess what I'm trying to find out is, do you think that this is a sign that she is really hurting over this beak-up, or is this behavior just something she is going though and should not worry me? Please help. -Worried about friend
Signed: Worried About My Friend's Eating Habits
Dear Worried About My Friend's Eating Habits,
Since this is your best friend you are writing about, TeenHealthFX will assume that you must know her pretty well. That being said, it sounds like you should trust your instinct that your friend is currently dealing with some kind of difficult problem. Sometimes when people go through a difficult experience, such as a break-up, there is a tendency to find a way to disconnect from what happened. It may be helpful to your friend right now for her to act like everything is fine and to tell everyone she feels good – she may need to convince herself and others that nothing is bothering her because it feels too hard or too painful to let herself acknowledge that this break-up has really been tough for her.
If you see that your friend has a loss of appetite, or is restricting her eating, it is certainly a possible sign of stress or depression. If you feel that your friend did a quick switch from never wanting kids to seriously wanting a baby, it may be her getting older and having new perspectives on things – or it may be that she is looking to create a very special and close bond with someone. These changes in her behavior may be related to her break-up with her boyfriend; however, it is entirely possible that there is some other stressor in her life that she is currently dealing with that has nothing to do with her ex.
FX can only speculate on what may be going on with your friend – it would be impossible to give you an accurate idea of what specifically is happening with your friend. Therefore, we recommend that you find a good time and place to talk alone with your friend, and express your concerns about the changes in her behavior. Let her know how much you care about her and that you will be there for her if there is something difficult she is dealing with. If she initially tells you that everything is “fine,” you may want to gently confront her on that – reminding her that the two of you are best friends, that you know her very well, and that you probably have a good idea of when something might be going on with her. You may want to encourage your friend to share her feelings with you, with her parents or perhaps with a professional counselor. If you find that your friend is not willing to discuss this, and with time you are feeling increasingly concerned, you may want to tell a trusted adult about your worries – such as your parents, her parents, or a school counselor.
If your friend lives in northern New Jersey and needs help finding a therapist she can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Crash risk is particularly high during the first year that teenagers are eligible to drive.
