TeenHealthFX - Answers - Confused About My Camp Weekend Experience

Sexual Assault & Rape / Question
Published: March 29, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I attended this camp thingy every other weekend and we spend the night there and once I was sleeping next to this guy and he put his hand in my pants and rubbed me there! The next night he tried to stick his finger up my vagina but I woke up! I am totally freaked about what will happen next weekend but yet I am excited - I am really confused what should I do?

Signed: Confused About My Camp Weekend Experience

Dear Confused About My Camp Weekend Experience,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how confused you are feeling about this. One of the hard aspects about dealing with any type of inappropriate sexual advances, is that while part of you might feel scared, hurt, and ashamed about what happened, another part of you might feel good from the physical stimulation or from feeling like you are getting special attention from someone. While FX understands that you are looking for some direction with this, it is somewhat hard for us to do because we are missing a lot of information, such as your age, the age of this guy, the circumstances under which this happened, and what your relationship with this person is. That said, FX has listed some general guidelines and things to think about in deciding what you want to do depending on the various factors listed above:

If you are a minor and have engaged in sexual activities of any kind under any circumstances with an adult, please tell a trusted adult as soon as possible. It is illegal, abusive, and not at all okay for an adult to make sexual advances towards a minor – and an adult must intervene to ensure your future safety and to make sure this person gets the help he needs and is no longer a threat to you or anyone else.

If this were a brother, father, uncle or any other relative, any sexual activities that take place would be considered incest and are not okay. Again, you would need to tell a trusted adult as soon as possible to make sure this person’s behavior is stopped.

If this person is someone your age, and you were sleeping both times he touched your vagina, tell a trusted adult. Even though you may be the same age, it is not okay for someone to make sexual advances towards another person without that person’s consent – and that includes a person who is sleeping, drunk, drugged, or threatened or coerced in any way. If both people are of consenting age to be sexually active, but you do not say it is okay – your rights, trust, and personal space are being violated if your wishes are not respected.

Since there is a lot of information FX does not have, we are unclear that if this person is your age, whether or not you were literally sleeping when this guy started rubbing your vagina, or whether you were laying down next to him to go to sleep and were a willing participant in what happened the first night. If you were a willing participant the first night, FX wants you to think about two things. First, how ready you are to be sexually active with anyone in terms of your age, your emotional readiness, and how you feel about taking responsibility for protecting yourself against unwanted pregnancies and the transmission of STDs. Second, even if you were a willing participant in what went on the first night, it is clear you were not the second night since you said you woke up after his finger was already in your vagina. If you are interested in pursuing a relationship with this guy, it is important that you be clear with him about what sexual activities are off limits for you, and that he is never to initiate any type of sexual activity with you without your being aware and willing. If you are an older teen and feeling capable of dealing with this particular type of situation on your own, you can certainly try. However, if you feel he is not listening to you, or you find yourself feeling uncomfortable around him in terms of his intentions towards you, FX recommends discussing your concerns with an adult immediately.

If you are the victim of sexual abuse, please remember that it is NOT your fault. What happened is the responsibility of the abuser, and the abuser alone.

Again, these are just some general thoughts as it is difficult for FX to guide you with this when so much information is unknown to us. That said, FX recommends that you speak to your parents, a teacher, school counselor, therapist or any another trusted adult about this situation. That way, that adult can have all the needed information to best provide you with the appropriate guidance and support.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. If needed, you can also contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week, for additional assistance and information.

Signed: TeenHealthFX