Death & Dying / Question
Published: October 26, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My little brother died 3 years ago in my backyard swimming pool. I cant help but think that it is my fault because he was autistic and i left the backdoor open and the pool ladder down. i need some help and fast. My mom got me a shrink but i dont think hes helping much. I dont know ifmy life is worth living anymore. PLEASE HELP!
Signed: Feel Like It Is My Fault That My Brother Died
Dear Feel Like It Is My Fault That My Brother Died,
TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear about the death of your brother, as well as the fact that you have been feeling like his death is your fault. FX cannot stress enough that your life is definitely worth living – we certainly do not want you to give up on your life. What happened to your brother was an unfortunate accident – FX does not view this as anyone’s “fault” since finding fault with someone is simply about placing blame, being angry and punishing someone. And from what you described in this situation, nobody meant for this to happen, nobody wanted this to happen – it was an unfortunate circumstance that does not require placing blame and punishing yourselves or one another.
FX is glad to hear that you are working with a therapist, and hopes that you continue to do so. The process of therapy can take time, so try and be patient. With time and work with your therapist hopefully you will be able to come to a place where you can accept that what happened was an accident, that other factors besides your actions contributed to this accident, that nobody needs to be punished for this accident, and that it is okay for you to be forgiving of yourself about your brother’s death.
FX is wondering if it would be helpful to you to find some way to turn what was a sad and unfortunate incident for your family into something positive for other families. Perhaps you could speak to your parents or therapist and brainstorm ideas about how you educate people in your community about the importance of pool safety or special precautions that need to be taken when living with and caring for special needs children. There may be agencies you can become involved with – agencies specializing in care for autistic or other special needs children, police or fire departments that educate in summer safety tips, or programs that take place in nearby schools. It might be helpful for you to become involved in something like this so that you can direct your energies about this situation towards a positive place where you can feel like you are being helpful in preventing similar situations from happening to other people.
Since you say that you are not sure if life is worth living at times, if you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens who drink are more likely to be victims of violent crimes and sexual assault, have serious problems in school, be involved in drinking-related traffic crashes, and develop problems with alcohol later in life.
