Dating Violence & Date Rape / Question
Published: March 29, 2007
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm in love with this boy but today he hit me pushed me and spit on me. This has been going on for a while? Should I get out and leave? How can I get over him and not feel that I still love him and want to see him?
Signed: Hit, Pushed And Spit On By Boyfriend
Dear Hit, Pushed And Spit On By Boyfriend,
If your boyfriend is hitting you, pushing you, and spitting on you, then it sounds like you are a victim of Teen Dating Violence – in which case TeenHealthFX feels very strongly that you should end this abusive relationship. Nobody has the right to be hurtful to you – whether it is physical or emotional. What your boyfriend has been doing to you is not loving or caring and it is NOT okay.
Teen dating violence covers a wide range of behaviors that include verbal and emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and physical violence. The following are examples of specific types of behaviors associated with dating violence:
- Verbal or emotional abuse: includes name-calling, threats, screaming, yelling, ridiculing, criticizing, emotional blackmailing, and stalking.
- Sexual abuse: includes verbal sexual abuse such as sexual slurs or attacks on the victim’s gender or sexual orientation, unwanted sexual touching and kissing, intimidation to force the victim to engage in any kind of sexual activity, and rape.
- Physical Abuse: includes shoving, punching, slapping, pinching, hitting, kicking, hair pulling, choking, use of a weapon, and any other acts causing physical harm.
FX urges you to seek help immediately regarding your relationship. Let a trusted adult know about your dating situation, and speak with a counselor trained in working with people in abusive relationships to get any needed counseling, as well as advice on how to safely end the relationship. You can contact any of the following hotlines for more information and additional referrals:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 (TTY line for deaf callers), 24 hours, 7days a week
- NJ Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-572-SAFE (7233)
- Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week
- NJ Division on Women 1-609-292-8840
- An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection
- Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week
- Youth Crisis Hotline, 1-800-448-4663, 24 hours, 7 days a week – for youths, 17 years of age or younger who are in crisis
- If you know someone who is being stalked, contact the National Center for Victims of Crime Stalking Resource Center at 800-FYI-CALL M-F, 8:30am-8L30pm EST or visit their website.
- If you live in northern
- If you need immediate assistance in a crisis situation, call the police at 911.
In addition to developing a plan for yourself that will allow you to end the relationship in a way that keeps you safe from further harm from this guy, FX also thinks that it is very important that you meet with a therapist trained in dealing with victims of dating violence. The negative feelings associated to what happened to you need to be discussed, as well as what keeps you loving someone and wanting to be with someone who is so clearly hurtful towards you so that you do not continue a pattern of picking abusive partners.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Statistics show that giving a teen a credit card does not teach them to be financially responsible or to encourage self-restraint, but actually promotes a “spend now and deal with the consequences later” mindset.
