TeenHealthFX - Answers - Still Finding Myself - Wants To Regain Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: January 16, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am a 14-year-old girl (soon to be 15) and have noticed a change in my perspective toward my own physical appearance. My three friends all began developing before I did and never once did it bother me that they had bigger breasts than me. In school, I was known as quiet, shy, and smart - it seemed as if everyone during the 7th grade year was developing before me, but it never bothered me-I was confident in myself and accepted myself as how I was. Then a little after Christmas time this year (8th grade), I noticed that I had started to grow out a little bit-I was still basically flat, but not as flat as I once was. My mother and I went to the store to buy some bras, which were padded and added some natural shape to my figure. Since, I haven't grown out very much and have continued wearing padded bras. Being almost 15, I'm wondering if I will still continue to develop and grow. My mother did not develop until she was 15, even 16 and has told me not to worry. I'm not co concerned about the growth of my bust, as I am the change in my perspective toward my own physical appearance. I used to be so confident in myself and my appearance-I was happy with who I was and could accept me for me. Over the course of the winter, I noticed a change in my own confidence level about me physically-even though I wore a padded bra, I was concerned that whether or not my breasts would continue to grow and get bigger naturally. I also began to feel very self-conscious in tighter clothing and took more to wearing t-shirts and less form fitting clothes. Before this would have never bothered me. Now I feel like I am obcessed with my own lack of self-confidence and at trying to get my own natural acceptance of myself back! What happened? How come I suddenly became less confident in the way I looked? I believe that it's more important to like someone for who they are on the inside than on the outside- inner beauty is what truly counts. So, if I believe this, than why can I not bring myself to accept myself as how I am? Do you have any suggestions for how I can regain my won confidence and begin to accept me for me again? (And, how to accept my own small-breasted self, if that is how I going to remain?)

Signed: Still Finding Myself - Wants To Regain Self-Confidence

Dear Still Finding Myself - Wants To Regain Self-Confidence,

Growing up and developing can be confusing at times. Your body is going through many changes and sometimes it is hard for our emotions and thoughts to keep up. During this time it is natural to become more aware of the changes in your body and how others may perceive you. Everyone grows and matures at a different rate. You mention that you are beginning to see some breast development but have not seen much further growth. Breasts do not sprout over night! This is an instance where you should listen to your mother, you should not worry - puberty just takes time. Also, many women follow in their mother's genetic footsteps when it comes to puberty, so definitely ask her questions. However if you are very concerned with your overall development perhaps talking to your doctor will clear up your concerns.

With any change in your body, your perspective of your physical appearance will sometimes change without you knowing. There are many factors such as peer pressure, family stress and the media that can influence your thoughts. These factors may convey varying images of bodily perfection that can make any confident person feel self-conscious. You may feel that you have no need to be self-conscious or lack any confidence but it is simply a part of growing up. You will find that as your body changes so will your confidence. You will gain a new acceptance and confidence as you develop.

It will take time in order for you to regain your confidence. Check out our advice on building self-esteem. Focusing on the good and not the awkward will put you on the right path. Take part in the activities that you enjoy and allow yourself to forget the exterior. Concentrate on feeling good from the inside out. Remember that you have plenty of time to grow and mature. During this time it is natural to have doubts and different thoughts. It is all part of growing up and will make you a very strong and confident young adult.

All this said, sometimes a lack of self confidence can lead you to feel badly about yourself. Feeling bad about yourself and focusing on the negative can sometimes make a person feel depressed or sad. If this is happening to you, please talk about how you are feeling with someone, like your mother or another trusted adult. Talking about your feeling like you did to FX can be a healthy release and may allow you to put the issues into perspective.

Signed: TeenHealthFX