Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: March 13, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Ok, this is gonna be kinda long. I have this friend (hereafter referrerd to as "Jan"). I met her about 2 weeks ago and things clicked kinda we both like cut ourselves and stuff...anywhoo. Her parents are divorced, her mother is abused by Jan's stepdad and her stepsister steals from Jan and kids at school and everyone. She moved in with her dad, so she's away from her mom and stepdad. All this over time got her very depressed. She tried to kill herself 5 times, by hanging herself, slitting wrists, swallowing 48 pills, and 2 I don't remember. She cuts herself a lot and has scars everywhere from that all over her body. She dated a guy who dealt pot and was using for some time, although not in excessive amounts. She believes that in moderation, pot is not a terrible thing. She knows she will do pot again, and is pretty sure she will cut again, though she hasn't in a while so far. She's into illegal street racing and the sort. All she's gone through so far is rilly terrible but she has a very interesting view of life because of it but I think she still has a lot of emotional problems that still need to be worked out. Talking to a school nurse, guidance counscelor, etc is out of the question, I'm asking what I can do as a friend to help, although I don't think she thinks she has a big problem anymore, and seems to be more concerned with helping other people like me than herself.
Signed: Friend Is Depressed, Cutting & Has Emotional Problems
Dear Friend Is Depressed, Cutting & Has Emotional Problems,
Wow, it sounds like you and your friend are both dealing with a lot right now and we are very concerned.
First FX wants to discuss you and your situation first. You mentioned in your question that "you both like to cut yourselves". This is what has FX concerned about you. Many people under pressure resort to "cutting" as a way of relieving tension or expressing anger. While this may seem like it provides some relief, there are many other ways that can provide healthy long-term relief of these symptoms. People who are involved in "cutting" seem to go through a cycle. Pressure builds up, they cut themselves and then they experience guilt, remorse or shame. They tell themselves they will not do it again but when the depression deepens or stress builds up the cycle returns. You also have to be very careful that these cuts do not get infected. A severe infection from a "cutting" can lead to serious medical problems.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to get help. You need professional guidance to help overcome your self-injuring behavior and get to the root of your problems. For some additional information about self-injury and to get help, you can check this link: Self-Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.) Alternatives. Get help for this.
As far as your friend goes, FX is concerned about her too. This said, you can only be there as a friend and encourage her to get the help she needs. It is very normal that you like hanging out with her, because you might feel comfortable talking to her about common situations that you have experienced. It is really great that you want to help your friend, but that is a lot of pressure for you to put on yourself, and you really should try to find a trusted adult that you can talk to, or have her talk to. Your friend is going through a rough time, and needs more help and resources than a friend can offer. While, it is important for you to stick by her, and maybe make a pact to make things better together, her past behavior is cause for concern. Suicide attempts, cutting, and using illegal drugs (in any amount) all are signs that your friend needs help. So, even though it may seem tough right now, please help her to get some help, and make sure that you have a support system to help you too.
FX knows that you said that reporting this is not an option, but we still must recommend it. Talk to a trusted adult like a teacher, her parents or a family member. Show them this question if you are concerned that they will not take you seriously. Your friend sounds like she is in serious danger. If you do not report this, she may not be alive long enough for you to continue your friendship.
FX hopes and highly recommends that you get help not only for your friend, but for yourself as well.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Girls are more likely to intentionally abuse prescription drugs than boys.
