Cutting / Question
Published: October 16, 2007
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I've always been the shy type, and the person that everyone could talk to. But lately I've been feeling empty inside and I've started to cut. What happens when the person that everyone opens up to can't open up to anyone else? I really don't want to commit suicide, but I think about it all the time. If I come home from a good day at school, the thought pops up from nowhere! And when I cut, it feels like I black out and I don't feel the pain until I'm done.... I've tried all sorts of pills to make these scary thoughts disappear, but they won't. And I'm starting to write these sad poems that are starting to scare my friends. I'm really confused and don't ask for help often but I really need it.
Signed: Don't Ask For Help, But Really Need It
Dear Don't Ask For Help, But Really Need It,
One of the most helpful things that people can have during difficult times is emotional support. Whether this support comes from a parent, therapist, coach, teacher, school counselor, extended relative, neighbor, or any other trusted adult – it is very important for teens to have when they need support and guidance with various problems. However, there can be many things that can make a teen hesitant to reach out for help from adults. We have listed some of these reasons below, as well as a way to deal with whatever is getting in the way of reaching out to others.
Feeling like adults can be trusted.
The first adults children come into contact with and form relationships with are generally their parents/guardians. It is very common for children to assume that all adults will relate to them in the same way their parents or guardians have. So if a person’s parents or guardians are not trustworthy, that person will often feel like other adults (such as therapists, teachers, or any other adults) will not be trustworthy either. The thing to remember is that everyone is different, and while some people in this world are not trustworthy, it does not mean that everyone is the same way.
Feeling that adults do not really care, but rather will view them in a negative way.
This is similar to the issue above, that if someone’s first experiences with adults are that the adults are more critical than caring, there will be a feeling that all adults will relate to them that way. Again, remember that people are different, and there are people out there who genuinely care. In addition, if you feel like a therapist doesn’t really care, but is only there because it’s his/her job, remember that there is a reason that person picked that particular career in the first place. They didn’t have to be a therapist – if they just wanted to get paid, there are a ton of other choices out there of jobs to pick from. So when it comes to a therapist’s commitment to their clients, it is not just automatically and simply about money or it just being their job.
Feeling like they do not deserve to get help and to feel happier.
Sometimes people grow up being given the message that they do not deserve to good things in life or to feel happier. FX thinks that it is important for these people to constantly remind themselves that they do deserve good things and to feel better. Part of this will be work at changing old patterns of beliefs and ways of thinking.
Worrying that it will feel too embarrassing to talk about certain issues.
Remember that therapists who see you privately have probably been doing this kind of work for many, many years. There is probably not too much that they have not heard, so you do not need to worry about sounding completely shocking or strange if you talk about certain feelings or behaviors. In addition, keep in mind that the therapist is not there to listen to you so that he/she can be judgmental or critical of you – but will probably have more compassion for what you are going through than you may have for yourself.
Feeling more comfortable being there for others – preferring to give rather than to receive.
There are some people in this world who are givers. Through experiences, usually earlier on in life, it has become more comfortable for these people to be doing for others. This is a situation where it will just take a conscious effort to let others be there for you. Remind yourself that you are deserving of people being there for you and going out of their way for you – and make sure to allow them do that. Since there can sometimes be a worry that others will feel burdened or irritated at having to be helpful, remind yourself that there are people out there who will feel truly happy in being able to be there for you.
Feeling like they should be strong enough to deal with their issues on their own.
American society has preached independence and doing things on your own, however, we may have taken the idea too far. We are social creatures who generally do need others and a sense of community to really thrive. It is actually intelligent and honest to recognize that there are things we need help and/or support with and too seek out that help. And there are some issues that require professional help. Just like people need to see a specialist if they have cancer or diabetes, they need to see a specialist if they have a mental health illness such as a mood disorder or eating disorder.
The same holds true for some people about taking medication – they feel that they should be able to make changes on their own without the help of medication. However, medication is aimed at helping the biochemical issues that go on inside of the body. Just as someone cannot will away diabetes and may need to take medication for it, it is also possible that someone cannot just will away their depression and may need to take medication for it.
Feeling like the situation is hopeless – so why bother reaching out for help.
When a person is feeling depressed, it can be hard to feel optimistic or hopeful about things getting better in the future. It is important to try and remind yourself of the positive things the future can bring, and to surround yourself with people who will offer you optimistic thoughts and encouragement during the times when it is harder for you to do that for yourself.
TeenHealthFX wants to stress that things can get better for you and that you definitely deserve to feel better. People have you to go to when they feel down, and you should also have a person you can go to for help with the cutting and suicidal feelings. So please talk to a trusted adult about how you have been feeling, and make sure that arrangements are made for you to meet with a therapist who can provide you with the guidance and support you need right now.
If you live in northern
You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Homicide is the second leading cause of death among 15- to 24-year-olds overall. 
