Cutting / Question
Published: October 1, 2007
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 15 and i started to cut last year. During and around my exams it got really bad. I got scared i was going fail everything and my parents would be ashamed of me. Cutting was a way of punishing myself for being dumb and it made me feel in control. However it has made me notice all the bad things about me, before i go to sleep i always think about the day and all the horrible things i said to people and the stupid things i have done. It is making me hate myself. I told a teacher at school but they have just left to have a baby. I wish i never said anything because it was only her i felt able to talk to. I am scared that she has told another teacher. Just so you know i don't cut anymore but what if i feel under pressure again. I don't want to use it as a way of coping but i know i probably will. Do you have any suggestions on how to keep myself out of stress? Please help me. Thanks.
Signed: How To Keep Myself From Feeling Stressed And Cutting
Dear How To Keep Myself From Feeling Stressed And Cutting,
Dealing with adolescence and everything that comes with this phase of life can be very stressful. And if a person has not learned helpful ways to cope with tough situations, that person often turns towards more maladaptive methods of dealing, such as cutting. TeenHealthFX is impressed that you have worked hard not to cut anymore and that you are making an effort to learn healthier ways to deal with your stress – and we definitely think you need to give yourself credit for that and feel proud that you are reaching out for help with this so that you can feel better.
Here are some things to consider in terms of dealing with stress and some of the negative emotions you are describing:
- Exercise regularly as a way to release tension and elevate your mood. Also, make sure to eat a healthy diet, drink plenty of water, and get an adequate amount of sleep. It’s easy to minimize the impact of doing these things, but you’d be surprised by the effect taking care of your body can have on your mood.
- If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts or putting yourself down, stop yourself and replace the thought with something positive. For example, if you say to yourself, “I can’t believe I said that horrible thing to that person,” try and be compassionate to yourself by saying, “But I was feeling very hurt and angry and had good reasons for feeling that way. Maybe I’ll say something different next time something like that happens and handle the whole situation differently, but I the past is behind me and I need to be more forgiving of myself for that thing I said.”
- Since the teacher you spoke with is on maternity leave, seek out another trusted adult to confide in for some support and guidance with what you are going through. Another teacher at school, a school counselor, a private therapist, a neighbor, or an extended relative might be a good choice for you.
- Talk to your parents about your fears of how they might view you if you have difficulty with something or make a mistake. It is a terrible burden to feel like the people closest to you will be ashamed of you if you do not succeed in something – especially since everyone makes mistakes and has things that are tough for them. Let your parents know about your concern, inform them about what they do that makes you feel worried about this, and be clear with them about the kind of reaction or help you would like to receive from them that would not leave you feeling judged or criticized. If you find talking about this with just the three of you is difficult, consider meeting with a family therapist who can work with you and your parents at strengthening this part of your relationship with one another.
- Constantly remind yourself that nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and that everyone has things that are hard for them- and that this does not make people bad – it makes them human! And try to stay as positive as you can in your thinking that even though things may not go as you hope they will the first time around, there is always hope that things can turn around or something good can come out of it in the end.
- Write a list of things that help you to calm down when you start to feel stressed, angry or agitated. The moment you start to feel yourself getting into a stressed or irritated place (try to catch it early and not wait for the feeling to completely blow up), pull out the list and do something from it. The list could include things like: call a friend, take a shower or bath, go for a walk, lift weights, listen to a specific type of music, journal, meditate, do some yoga poses, cook something, or whatever else helps you to calm down.
- Do some kind of meditation, imagery work, or deep breathing every day. Think of it like exercise – just as you would exercise regularly to build up your ability to run a race, you do relaxation exercises regularly to improve your ability to feel generally less stressed.
If you live in northern
In the event that you consider cutting in the future, you can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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