TeenHealthFX - Answers - Full Of Hate And Rage

Anger / Question
Published: December 10, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm 15 and I hate my mom. She tells me to do something and while I'm doing that she doesn't help me. Like one night she told me to get some stuff out of the closet and while I did that she played with my baby cousin. I feel enough rage to break her heart and I feel that if I do, I wouldn't give a rats a**! She always wonders why I have an attitude towards her and it's because of her bossing me around all the time. And it happens everyday. It seems like she doesn't love me at all. Signed: Full of Hate and Rage

Signed: Full Of Hate And Rage

Dear Full Of Hate And Rage,

TeenHealthFX is so sorry to hear that there is so much tension in your relationship with your mother and that the nature of your relationship with one another creates so much hate and rage for you. FX strongly recommends that you and your mother meet with a family therapist so that the issues in the relationship can be addressed and you can subsequently feel less angry and hateful towards her. Let your mother know that you have some serious concerns about your relationship with one another that have been causing you a great deal of distress, and that you would like the two of you to meet with a therapist so that you can improve the relationship. If your mother is resistant to the idea and you have tried to convince her of the importance of it, consider talking to a school counselor about the situation and let him/her advocate on your behalf with your mother about the need for family counseling.

In the end, what your mother does and how she relates to you is out of your control. But what is in your control is how you want to deal with the situation, how you feel, and how you want to live your life. You cannot force her into therapy or change how she relates to you. But if you find that she is unwilling to make any changes, then FX suggests that you attend individual therapy with a private therapist or with a school social worker or psychologist so that you can find healthy ways to deal with your anger, as well as ways to deal with your relationship with your mother that protects your emotional well-being.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

If you get to the point that you are feeling very angry and are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX