TeenHealthFX - Answers - Stress Of My Girlfriend And Parents Divorcing

Suicide / Question
Published: December 18, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I cut myself for the first time in a half a year tonight. The stress of my girlfriend and my parents getting divorced is driving me down an unclimbable hill. Tonight I actually thought about killing myself and my life is a mess the only thing that I think is keeping me from doing it is my mom and my girlfriend. I don’t tell a lot of my friends only about 3 know because I don’t like to talk about my feelings. I know I need help but I do not want to be put into some kind of mental institution. I really want my feelings of suicide to go away but its hard when my mom and the love of my life hate each other I refuse to choose between them and when I try to talk to my girlfriend about my mom she gets mad and that makes me mad and we start to fight and I hate fighting with her so plz help me I need advice

Signed: Stress Of My Girlfriend And Parents Divorcing

Dear Stress Of My Girlfriend And Parents Divorcing,

TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that you are dealing with two situations that have felt so stressful you started cutting again and have actually contemplated suicide. Parents going through a divorce and having a significant other and a family member at such odds are both very stressful situations to deal with. FX thinks that the most important thing for you to do right now is to have the help of a trusted adult so that you can get some guidance in how to deal with these difficult situations in a healthy way. FX thinks that it would be very helpful for you to meet with a mental health professional at this point in time. A therapist could help you to evaluate all of the factors that are contributing to your cutting and suicidal thoughts right now, and then work with you to come up with an effective treatment plan that will eliminate any suicidal thoughts and self-cutting behaviors. A therapist will also work with you on developing alternate, healthier methods of dealing with stress and negative emotions, and is someone who can be there for you with encouragement and support as you go through this tough time. In addition, a family therapist can work with you and your parents to ensure that your parents are dealing with you in a helpful and supportive way as they go through their divorce.

As far as being put into a “mental institution,” you would only go into an inpatient psychiatric setting if a mental health professional evaluated you and had reason to believe that you were in immediate danger of harming yourself. If you have suicidal thoughts, but your parents are willing to supervise you closely and you are willing to contract for safety (make an agreement that you will not do anything to harm yourself), then you do not need to be hospitalized. What might be recommended is that you meet with a therapist more than once a week initially as you work through these current issues. It might also be recommended that you meet with a psychiatrist to see if you would benefit from taking any kind of psychotropic medication in terms of elevating your mood.

FX recommends that you speak with your parents (or a social worker or psychologist at school, if you do not feel comfortable initially discussing this with your parents), about the thoughts and feelings you have been having and your need for a consultation with a mental health professional. At some point it would be helpful for you to be clear with your parents how difficult their divorce is for you, and to let them know ways in which they can be supportive of you during this difficult time. And it would also be helpful for you to let your girlfriend know how her comments about your mother impact you, and that, while she is entitled to her opinion, you would appreciate if she would approach the subject with more sensitivity considering her opinion is about someone very close to you. You could also have the same conversation with your mother about your girlfriend.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX