TeenHealthFX - Answers - Brother's Friend Sexually Abused Me

Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: December 17, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

im 14 now but when i was little my brothers friend sexualy abused me i didn't know what was realy happening but i knew something wasn't right and he told me that if i ever told anyone he would hurt me and i believed him and i have never told anyone and last year my best friend was raped and murdered and that day just keeps coming back to huant me and lately i have been having suicidal thoughts i've tried to kill myself but now i don't want to die but i cant stop cutting myself

Signed: Brother's Friend Sexually Abused Me

Dear Brother's Friend Sexually Abused Me,

TeenHealthFX is sorry that you have had to deal with two very traumatizing events – being sexually abused and having your best friend raped and murdered. FX can appreciate that you would be having a hard time coping right now with the thoughts of both of these terrible events in your head, and that you may be feeling at a loss of what to do with the negative thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing. However, FX thinks that suicide is not the answer here, and that there is definitely hope for you to get through this. But one of the things you need to do is to reach out to some of the adults around you who can be there for you with guidance and support through all of this. You can speak to your parents, a therapist trained in dealing with victims of sexual abuse and trauma victims, a counselor at school, or all of the above. What is critical here is to let people know how you have been feeling so that you are not alone in dealing with this. A therapist in particular can help you to work through your negative emotions, come up with healthier coping mechanisms, work with your parents on how to be there in a loving and supportive way for you around this, and help you and your family decide how to deal with your brother’s friend in terms of the abuse that occurred.

There are people out there who care and who will want to be there for you in a helpful and supportive way – so rather than focusing on ending things, focus on how to make things better for yourself and reach out to some trusted adults. It may feel scary, but talk to some adults about this and take advantage of the resources around you, particularly during this very difficult time where you understandably need someone to lean on.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

You can also get in touch with the following hotlines if needed: The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week. The Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX