TeenHealthFX - Answers - I Feel Alone

Other Emotional Health Issues / Question
Published: April 16, 2008

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I have been feeling depressed lately because i see all these couples around and I am not seeing anyone now. I wont for a while either because i go to an all girls school on a hill in the middle of nowhere and we dont have dances or any type of events with guys. Im mostly sad because I am in 9th grade now and when i was in 7th, i had all these really good friends and I got all this attention from these three guys. But in 8th grade it all changed because one of the guys (who was the leader of all three of the guys) left the school and my best friend left the school. So really my only other friends were the 2 other guys that always liked me and were there for me. (keep in mind that I went to a small school with only 18 kids in its graduating class) Well they ditched me and I became basically the outcast of the 8th grade. So i feel like I had "it all" and then it was all gone. Now that I am in ninth grade and free of guys, I feel like I always have to prove myself. Like to the girls at my school, if I wanted to be there friend, everyday going to school I would wonder if they secretly gossiped about me, or that they didnt think that I was funny. And everytime I see a guy that I think likes me, he always ends up not liking me and I just always get my hopes up for a big let down evrytime. I feel like there is no one (besides my sister) who would do anything for me, who would just want to be with me and cares about me. On top of that my parents, who I am used to being home and with me, started to work again because now we need the money so I never see them and I always feel like I have to go find them to talk but they just go to sleep. I feel alone. and I get nervous around people. I dont know how to just relax and trust people ever since 8th grade when i was made fun of. I really need help, everyday I feel like there is no point and its a waste of time. -Xxxxxxx

Signed: I Feel Alone

Dear I Feel Alone,

TeenHealthFX is sorry that you have been feeling depressed lately, and that you have had a hard time coping with peer issues and with your parents’ new work schedules. It can be hard for anyone to feel alone and like they do not have enough people around them who care – but FX thinks that it can be particularly difficult in adolescence for a person not to feel there are people around them who can provide them with the support and guidance which is much needed during this time.

To help your situation improve, FX recommends that you try the following:

Speak with your parents, and let them know that you have been having a hard time coping with their new work schedules and with some peer issues at school. Let them know that you need their support and guidance right now, and talk about ways in which you can have some quality time with them despite their new schedules.
Since you feel close with your sister, make sure you continue to develop your relationship with her in terms of spending time with her and going to her with any problems or concerns you are having. If you haven’t already, discuss some of the issues you are having with friends and dating with her so that you can get her advice and help in the matter.
If you are feeling depressed, consider meeting with a mental health professional. A therapist can evaluate the extent of your depression, can help you to understand what is contributing to it, and can work with you on developing an effective treatment plan depending on what the contributing factors seem to be.
Expand your support system. Think about ways in which to build on your support system so that you have more people around who you can lean on. Establish ties with your school social worker or your guidance counselor, or talk with a teacher, coach, extended family member, or your primary care physician about how you have been feeling and what you have been dealing with. Remember that you don’t have to be alone and deal with all of this on your own – there are people out there who can be helpful to you.
Know that you are not alone and that things can get better. Many teens are in situations like you are at home and at school; and a tough time now does not mean a tough time forever.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers.

You did not mention feeling suicidal, but since you made a comment about feeling there was “no point,” FX wants to stress that if you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

Signed: TeenHealthFX