Cutting / Question
Published: November 3, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm a 13 year-old girl and I've been cutting myself for a couple of months. I told my best friend about it, and she said things like 'It's okay, I'm going to help you through this,' and 'I believe in you'. Thos things made me feel so good, but today she said she really doesn't know how to help me and she thinks I should go to a consuler or something. My best friend means the world to me, she's the most important thing in my life, and to think that she could just give up on me makes me SO sad. I'm pretty sure she wants to help, but she doesn't realize that her just talking to me and being there for me helps a ton. How do I explain to her how much she does help, and that I would rather talk to her then a counsuler? This is really upsetting me, and I don't know what to do... Did I do the right thing by asking for her help?
Signed: Best Friend Let Me Down With My Cutting
Dear Best Friend Let Me Down With My Cutting,
TeenHealthFX can appreciate that you might have felt abandoned or betrayed by your friend when she told you she didn’t know how to help you and suggested you speak with a counselor. But FX can assure you that her suggestion does not in any way mean that she does not care about you, has given up on you, or won’t be there for you with love and support. It just means that she does not have the knowledge and training to deal with these types of issues. The professionals who work with individuals who deal with issues like self-cutting, depression, ADHD, anxiety, eating disorders, or whatever else have gone through extensive schooling and training to learn how to do their jobs. So they have an understanding about how to treat these kinds of problems that your friend doesn’t have – not because of a lack of caring or faith in you, but simply because of a lack of schooling, training, and experience on your friend’s part. It’s the same as if you came to your friend and said you had cancer. She could be there for you with love and support, but you would need to meet with professionals who are specialized in that area to get your treatment.
The fact that your friend wants you to meet with a counselor and is encouraging you to do so is actually very caring on her part. Because she wants you to get the treatment you need from the professionals who can truly provide it. What might be helpful for you and your friend to discuss is if there are ways in which she can be helpful to you in addition to your receiving treatment. For example would you like her to ask about the cutting? Would you prefer that she not mention it and be there with distractions to get it off your mind? Would you want her to be there for you if you just need to call her and vent or cry? There are many ways in which your friend can be there for you where she won’t have to feel like she is taking on inappropriate responsibilities – and the two of you can figure that out together.
FX thinks that you are lucky to have such a good friend who obviously wants to be there for you in the best way she knows how. She doesn’t want to bite off more than she can chew by assuming the role of your treatment provider – and FX thinks that it smart on her part and is ultimately caring towards you. So speak with your friend about how she can be there for you, and talk to your parents, doctor, or school counselor about locating a mental health specialist who can work with you around your self-cutting. Friends and professionals can both be there for you during a difficult time – they may just have different roles in how they are helpful to you and how they are there for you.
If you live in northern
You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Compared with other age groups, teens have the lowest rate of seat belt use, and male high school students are more likely than female students to rarely or never wear seat belts.
