TeenHealthFX - Answers - Verbally And Physically Abused In Past Relationship

Dating Violence & Date Rape / Question
Published: January 12, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

In a past relationship I was verbally and physically abused. Now, I broke up with him, and found someone else. I was terrifed. I still am. It's been eight months since then, but I am afraid that the wonderful guy I'm with now will see what the other one saw or something and decide my best isn't enough. I want to be able to sleep soundly at night and not have to worry about this. He has told me repeatedly that he would NEVER do that. But I am still afraid. I love him deeply, I know I'm only 13 but I think I want to grow up with him. He treats me great, but I still am scared. Help?

Signed: Verbally And Physically Abused In Past Relationship

Dear Verbally And Physically Abused In Past Relationship,

Being in a dating relationship with verbal and physical abuse can be extremely traumatic – so TeenHealthFX can understand why you were feeling so terrified then and why you are still afraid. When people are traumatized by something that has happened to them, the memories, feelings, and images of the events can linger for a long time. They can come to our minds during the day or show up in our dreams while we sleep – and it can be extremely frightening.

FX thinks that it is very important that you speak with a therapist trained in working with people who are in, or who have been in, abusive relationships. Because of the abuse you went through, there are several issues that need to be worked through before you can feel more comfortable with yourself and within your current and future relationships. FX is also concerned that at thirteen you have already been involved in an abusive dating relationship and are currently involved with someone you could picture being with forever. Your relationships seem to be getting to very serious levels for someone so young, and FX thinks that this would be helpful to talk about with a therapist as well.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you live in New Jersey you can also contact JBWS (Jersey Battered Women’s Services) at 973-267-4763. This phone number is a 24 hour confidential helpline. For more information, including links to other helpful websites, visit: www.jbws.org.

Signed: TeenHealthFX