TeenHealthFX - Answers - Does Being Drunk Mean It's Not Considered Rape?

Dating Violence & Date Rape / Question
Published: February 4, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

i am not sure if i was raped. i was on spring break and i was out on the beach with my friend. we met a big group of people that were about one to two years older than us. my friend went off with some guy and then i went on a walk with a different guy. i kissed him but then he started trying to go further and i told him no. he was pretty drunk from what i could tell. i was not under the influence of anything. i said no and tried to push him away but that did not stop him. it ended up going all the way. i dont know if this is considered rape because he was drunk and may have not known what he was doing. i know i said no and pushed him away but is him being drunk a legit excuse?

Signed: Does Being Drunk Mean It's Not Considered Rape?

Dear Does Being Drunk Mean It's Not Considered Rape?,

Being drunk is NOT an excuse for rape. If you said “no,” tried to push him off of you, and made it clear (which you obviously did) that you were not consenting to sex and he forced you into it – drunk or not he raped you. He is responsible for how much he drinks and he is responsible for what he does no matter how much alcohol is in his system.

If you think about it, it doesn’t make sense for people not to be responsible for the things they do when intoxicated. Because then you would say a person is not responsible for killing someone in a drunk-driving accident because they were drunk and didn’t know what they were doing. Or a person isn’t responsible for shooting someone because they were drunk and didn’t know what they were doing. What an easy way to get off the hook – you would just have to get drunk and then commit your crime! But that’s not the way it works – drunk or not, a person is responsible for what they do.

FX recommends that you speak to someone about this experience – whether you talk to your parents, a school social worker or psychologist, or a private therapist. It is important that you not keep what happened to you a secret, that you have guidance and support in how to deal with it, and that you are reassured that you are not at fault for what happened to you – this guy is completely responsible.

If you had unprotected sex (which FX images you did in this kind of situation), it is also important for you to speak to your primary care physician, an adolescent medicine specialist, or a gynecologist about being tested to see if you are pregnant or if any STDs were transmitted.

If you have any further questions or need referral information, you can contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week or visit www.rainn.org.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood. You can also contact your insurance company for a list of in-network providers.

Signed: TeenHealthFX