TeenHealthFX - Answers - Inherited Mom's Short Temper

Anger / Question
Published: March 7, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My mom, while not actually strict, has a very short temper when it comes to children. It's hard to believe that she could raise any functional human being. I feel that because of how she raised me, I am emotionally stunted or something. I realized lately, after attempting to babysit, that I had just as short a temper as she does. I can't handle kids. I plan on being a mother some day, but I am afraid that I will turn out like her.

Signed: Inherited Mom's Short Temper

Dear Inherited Mom's Short Temper,

There are many reasons why people can have short tempers. For some people it is a learned behavior – they have watched people close to them with short fuses and then develop a short fuse themselves. Other people have had events, circumstances, or relationships in their lives that have caused them a great deal of pain and anger – and that anger gets easily discharged during frustrating experiences, such as when dealing with a child’s behavior. Finally, some people are easily angered due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, such as with a depressive disorder or bipolar disorder.

TeenHealthFX thinks that it is wonderful and admirable that you are so self-aware in realizing that this is a problem for you and in wanting to do something about it. We think that you should set up a consultation with a mental health professional who can determine whether your temper comes from stored up anger, learned behavior, or a mental health illness (or combination of the three). Depending on the cause, the therapist may recommend individual therapy, family therapy, and/or medication management.

It can be scary to see our own tempers – especially if they end up being taken out on small children. But be proud of yourself for recognizing this and wanting to do something about it, and know that with help you can do things to minimize your temper – for now and for the future. And know that by seeking help for this for yourself, you may also motivate your mother to work on her own temper as well – which would be helpful for her, for you and for your relationship with one another.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

Signed: TeenHealthFX