Questions About Therapy/Concerns About Therapists / Question
Published: May 6, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am 19 years old. When I was age 6 through 8, I had a friend that I often hung out with. We both are male. When I was 6, he suggested we take our clothes off, and not knowing any better, I did. He touched me and this type of activity went on for the next 2 years when we got together. At the time, I didnt see anything wrong with it, and neither did he. Eventually, he stopped doing it. I feel like this is affecting me today still. Part of me feels like I was raped or molested, but the other part thinks that it doesnt count because I dont think he had any ill intent. The problem is, that I feel an attraction to young children, and I know it is wrong. The thing is, it only happens when I am alone. I have been along with kids countless times and the thought never crosses my mind, but when I am by myself, I have fantasies about kids. I know this type of feeling is bad, and while I would never hurt anyone, I know I need help. I am afraid that if I get help, people will label me as a pervert, and I will not be allowed around any kids because they might think I would do something to them. I'm afraid that I will be labeled as being gay too because of what me and my friend did too. I really do not know what to do.
Signed: Need Treatment, But Afraid I'll Be Labeled A Pervert Or Gay
Dear Need Treatment, But Afraid I'll Be Labeled A Pervert Or Gay,
TeenHealthFX can understand why this past experience may be causing you distress right now. We’re not sure how old your friend was when this happened, but if he was older than you, you may feel anger that he should have known better than to sexually experiment with you in this way. You may also be feeling concerned that you participated in this for so long in terms of what it means about you and what you or others may feel it says about your sexual orientation. Finally, this experience may have blurred the boundaries for you between the sexual side of you and the child in you.
With so many details missing, and without a personal consultation FX cannot know what exactly is causing the feelings and thoughts you are having related to these issues, so we do think it is extremely important for you to meet with a mental health professional. We understand that you do not want to be labeled as a “pervert” or as “gay” by going to a therapist. But that is not what will happen. A therapist is there to provide treatment, guidance and support – not to judge and criticize. In addition, FX can easily imagine that a therapist would be compassionate about this experience you had as a child and the subsequent confusion you are currently experiencing. Finally, a therapist will have respect for the fact that you have this concern about yourself and that you want to do something about it. It takes a lot of strength and courage to make yourself vulnerable to someone else in talking about personal things or to admit that there is a problem that needs to be dealt with – FX would imagine that any therapist you came across would admire that part of you.
Again, please seek treatment for yourself as soon as possible. Clearly you are in distress right now over all of this and it is important that you have someone you can talk this out with. If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
You can also contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week for help and more information.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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