Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: June 17, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
i'm not sure what it was.... two years ago when i was 13 my friend who was ( 16) and i were hanging out. and we started kissing... i was okay with that... we were sitting on the floor be suddenly pushed me down... he started going too far.. he was feeling me up.. and i told him " no i cant" and he kept going... and kept on going. i'd push his hand away and he moved it right back... he was pinning me down... i was trying to push him off of me... but he was too strong. and i kept telling him " no i cant" he pulled down my pants and i quickly pulled them back up... the places he touched.... he also kept telling me "please i want to be in you" " i want to make your first time special" " please" and i just was stuck laying there under him... i finally got him to stop after 45 long mintues.... i dont know what it was? some people say it was rape.... but we didnt have sex. someone said i was molested i'm just confused on what it was? thanks for your help signed- confused about what it was
Signed: Confused About Whether I Was Molested
Dear Confused About Whether I Was Molested,
TeenHealthFX is sorry to hear that you had to deal with this scary situation two years ago. FX can appreciate that you have probably experienced many different thoughts and emotions related to this incident since it happened – and we can understand that one of the feelings would be that of confusion in terms of knowing what the legal offense here was. There are many terms used to describe varies levels of inappropriate sexual behavior such as rape, sexual assault, sexual molestation, sexual abuse, and childhood sexual abuse – and it can be confusing to understand which term means what. So we will start by trying to clarify these terms for you.
Sexual Assault: While specific laws will vary from state to state, sexual assault generally refers to any crime in which the offender subjects the victim to sexual touching that is unwanted and offensive. These crimes can include, but are not limited to:
· sexual intercourse, sodomy, or sexual penetration with an inanimate object
· the touching of a person’s intimate parts (defined as genitalia, groin, breast, buttocks, or the clothing covering them)
· compelling a person to touch his or her own, or another person’s, intimate parts without effective consent
With sexual assault the act is intentional and is committed either by:
· physical force, violence, threat or intimidation
· ignoring the objections of the victim
· causing the victim’s intoxication or impairment through the intentional use of drugs and alcohol
· taking advantage of a person’s incapacitation, state of intimidation, helplessness, or other ability to consent
Rape: The crime of rape (also referred to in some states as “first degree sexual assault”) generally refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed by physical force, threat of injury, or other forms of coercion or duress. Some facts about rape:
· A lack of consent can include the victim’s inability to say “no” because of the effects of drugs and/or alcohol.
· Rape can occur when the offender and victim have a pre-existing relationship. This kind of situation is often referred to as “date rape.”
· Rape can occur between a husband and wife.
· An adult who engages in sexual intercourse with a minor can be accused of what is referred to as statutory rape.
Sexual Abuse/Molestation: Sexual abuse or molestation basically involves the forcing of undesired sexual acts by one person upon another.
Child Sexual Assault: The National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect defines child sexual assault as: “Contacts or interactions between a child and an adult when the child is being used for sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or another person when the perpetrator or other person is in a position of power or control over the victim.” Childhood sexual abuse can include:
· inappropriate physical contact
· making a child view sexual acts or pornography
· using a child to make pornography
· exposure of an adult’s genitalia to a child
Now that we have clarified some of these terms, let’s talk about your specific situation. It sounded like this guy wanted sexual intercourse to occur, however, FX is unclear from what you wrote whether there was any kind of penetration. If there was sexual intercourse then you were raped. If there was no type of penetration, then your experience would be considered a type of sexual assault because you were forced into unwanted sexual contact by this person. You could also say that you were sexually abused or molested, as these terms are somewhat general and refer the forcing of undesired sexual acts, as stated above.
FX can appreciate that you may have a lot of thoughts, feeling, questions and concerns about this experience. If you feel at any point that you could use some guidance and support with this, please consider speaking with your parents, a school counselor, and/or a private therapist trained in dealing with victims of sexual abuse.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you require any further information or help with this issue, you can also contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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