Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: June 29, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
This is going to be long but I really need help for my friend please answer this!!
My best friend wrote this poem:
Again,I sincerly apologize for this long letter but my friend really needs help. This is not the only poem about death she's written before.She's been hospitalized before for excessive bleeding from cutting and also for dehydration from bulimia. She still cuts herself and she's still bulimic and I'm really concerned about her.I can't talk to her parents b/c after she came from the hospital they told her that if she ever tries to harm herself again they would really make her know what pain is (or something like that).And she refuses to go to the school counsellor. Please help!! She's only 14 I don't want her to end her life!! Thanks alot in advance for any help you can offer.
Signed: Concerned About Friend's Poem She Wrote
Dear Concerned About Friend's Poem She Wrote,
Since this poem was written by your friend, and not you, we omitted it when we posted your question to the site for the sake of your friend’s privacy. However, from reading the content of the poem, we can certainly understand why you would worry about your friend’s emotional well-being right now. TeenHealthFX thinks that it is very important that you speak to a trusted adult about this situation for your sake and for the sake of your friend. FX can completely appreciate why you would be worried about your friend. We think that it is important for an adult to intervene on her behalf if necessary, and for you to have a sense of support and guidance as you deal with this situation so you do not end up feeling so confused, helpless or alone. It can be very sad and scary to see a close friend going through so much – so please make sure that you have someone you can lean on to ensure helpful decisions are made in regards to your friend, as well as to protect your own emotional well-being.
It is important for a trusted adult to be informed about the situation so that he/she can decide the best way to intervene on your friend’s behalf. If her parents are threatening her with harm, it may be necessary to get child protective services involved to assess whether your friend is safe in her current home environment, as well as to determine whether or not your friend and her parents are getting the treatment, support, and guidance that all of them need to deal with this situation.
Whether you feel comfortable speaking with your parents, a school counselor, a teacher, a trusted adult neighbor, an extended family member, or any other trusted adult – find someone to talk to about this as soon as possible.
FX also wants you to keep in mind that the most you can do is to be there for your friend with love and support, encourage her to seek help for herself from trusted sources, and to inform other adults when necessary if you feel your friend is in any kind of danger – but to remember that you cannot fix or change this for her. Your friend requires professional help to get better (and it is her choice as to whether or not she is going to seek it out and use it), and it is the job of professional adults to intervene if your friend’s life is in danger or her home environment is not safe. FX thinks that it is wonderful that you care about your friend and want to be there for her in a loving way – but we also want you to make sure you have your own support and guidance from the adults around you so you do not find yourself becoming overly responsible for your friend’s emotional well-being and so that your own emotional well-being does not suffer.
If you like, you can give your friend the following resources and encourage her to use them:
· If you live in New Jersey, you can contact the Eating Disorders Program at Atlantic Health at 908-522-5757 for more information and to set up an evaluation. Outside of New Jersey you can contact the National Eating Disorders Association at 1-800-931-2237 for more information and referral services.
· If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
· You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
If there is any concern of abuse in the home, your friend can call (or you can call with the assistance of the trusted adult you speak to):
· DYFS at 1-800-NJ-ABUSE if you live in New Jersey
· The Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-792-8610. This hotline is to report physical or sexual abuse for people living in or outside of New Jersey, and is available 24 hours a day, 7days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Compared with other age groups, teens have the lowest rate of seat belt use, and male high school students are more likely than female students to rarely or never wear seat belts.
