Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: July 13, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My friend talks about suicide alot but she doesn't talk about it as if she's seriously considering it. For example she'll say something to our other friends like.. "Please come to my funeral tomorrow I know you care about me unlike my family and the rest of the world" and then she laughs about it. But although she laughs about comitting suicide, I've noticed a few weird things she's developed lately. First of all she's been going to the bathroom alot during school hours. I found this strange so one day I went to check on her and I saw her with a razor blade and she was crying non stop. At lunchtime she gives all her lunch away and she refuses to eat anything (but I don't think she's anorexic, I just think she loses her apetite sometimes). Another time I saw her taking 9 paracetamol tablets. I'm the only one who sees what she's going through, other people say that she's looking for attention since she's joking about suicide. But if she was really joking she wouldn't be crying all the time, cutting herself, taking all those pills for no reason or not eating or withdrawing herself like that. She can't talk to her parents because they tell her things like she's stupid and she'll never get anywhere in life and that she's slow etc. (she was a straight A student throughout school until she was about 12 when all these symptoms began, she's 14 now and her grades have dropped drastically.) I really don't want to see her go through this. And I really need help from someone other than her parents. (And if this matters,we live in Florida)Please help.
Signed: Worried About Friend's Suicide
Dear Worried About Friend's Suicide,
Your friend is looking for attention – but not in a way that should be criticized. She is obviously in a lot of emotional pain right now, is having difficulty coping with various things in her life, and feels she has little or no support at home, so she is looking for someone to notice what she is going through because she is in desperate need of support and guidance right now. Her “jokes” are basically a cry for help that should not be ignored – and FX does think that there are some things that you can do to be helpful to her.
FX suggests that you speak to your friend as soon as possible. Let her know that you see that she presents these comments about killing herself as a joke, but that you are truly worried about her and think that she needs professional help to deal with what she is going through. Tell her that if she needs the support, you will be happy to go with her to speak to her parents and/or a counselor at school – but that she needs to reach out for help right now. If your friend refuses to get help for herself, then let her know that you plan on speaking to an adult right away about your concerns. Let her know that you care about her and want the best for her – and that is why you want to get an adult involved. Given the severity of her situation, don’t let her put off telling someone about what she is going through. If she won’t talk to someone immediately, then go right away and speak to an adult on her behalf.
If you need to speak to an adult on your own, you can speak to your parent(s), a school counselor, a teacher, or any other trusted adult who can intervene on your friend’s behalf. You can also give the following resources to your friend:
· If you need help finding a therapist you can call log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
· You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.
· If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Less than 33% of teens with depression get help, yet 80% of teens with depression can be successfully treated if they seek help from a doctor or therapist.
