Suicide / Question
Published: August 10, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
i am really quiet and have lost my confidence to talk i get really anoyyed with myself i have tried to commit suicide a few times and there is no doubt that i will do so again if i remain the same. what can i do to get my confidence back to talk and not stay silent? please answer before its too late.
Signed: Lost My Confidence To The Point Where I Feel Suicidal
Dear Lost My Confidence To The Point Where I Feel Suicidal,
TeenHealthFX is very concerned about you. It can be normal for many teens to go through periods of feeling shy, of feeling somewhat insecure, and even to be inpatient with themselves or get down on themselves at times. However, FX is quite worried that you are experiencing these feelings to the point where you tried to commit suicide. FX thinks that it is very important for you to reach out for help from a mental health professional. Right now you need a place where you can go for support and encouragement, for help in developing healthy coping mechanisms, and for assistance in getting your voice and your confidence back. FX also thinks that it is important for you to be clear with your parent(s) about how badly you have been feeling – that you have been feeling so down to the point where you have tried to commit suicide – so that they can get you the professional help you need and take steps to be there for you in a more helpful and supportive way.
Since you mentioned that you “lost” your confidence and seem to have lost your voice, FX is wondering if something happened to you or that you witnessed in your life that strongly affected your sense of self and your ability to stand up for yourself. If so, this is something you should definitely speak with a therapist about. There are many different kinds of traumas and ways to feel traumatized – if something traumatic happened to you, it is critical that you discuss it with a professional who can help you to work out your thoughts and feelings around what happened.
In addition to seeking out individual mental health treatment, FX recommends that you consider some of the following:
· Think of something you are good at – you could even discuss it with your therapist or parent(s) – and pursue that particular thing. One of the best ways a person can boost his/her self-esteem is by doing something to best utilize their strengths and talents. This could include doing a sport, doing something musical, being in a theater group, taking art classes, working PT, writing, or doing volunteer work. Everyone has talents and strengths, and it is extremely important to figure out what those talents and strengths are so that you can use them on a regular basis and feel good about yourself as a result.
· Consider group therapy. Sometimes when people are dealing with self-esteem issues and difficulties voicing their thoughts and feelings to others, it helps to be in group therapy where these issues can be worked out with the help of a mental health professional and peers. You could always discuss with your individual therapist if this would be a good idea for you.
· Once you are in therapy, speak to your therapist about whether or not it would be a good idea for you to have a consultation with a psychiatrist who can determine whether or not you would benefit from some kind of psychotropic medication. Low self-esteem and suicidal ideation are both symptoms of depression. If you are dealing with some form of depression, it might be helpful for you to start on an anti-depressant.
· Try and replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. How we think about things and ourselves, and the kinds of messages we give ourselves, can strongly affect our feelings. So, for example, replace something like, “I can’t believe I didn’t say anything just now – I’m such an idiot” with “I definitely wish I would have said something just now, but I’m still in the process of learning the best way to stand up for myself. I need to be patient with myself and know that with time I will get to where I want to be. Let me just learn from this situation and focus on what I want to do differently in the future.” Another example might be replacing, “I can’t believe I am so shy, I’m such a loser that I’m not outgoing” with “I may be shy, but that’s okay. Lots of people are on the shy side and that’s just fine. And there are so many really likeable things about myself – I’m smart, insightful, and sensitive to other people’s feelings. Those kinds of qualities are really valuable and I’m grateful I have them.” Finally, replace something like, “I am so shy and can’t stand up for myself. There is seriously no point in living and going on” with something like, “I know I’m having a real problem with self-esteem issues and standing up for myself. But things can get better, and even though I feel miserable at this moment, I need to know that this is not how my life will always be. I need to reach out to someone right now so I can start to feel better. And I need to have faith that, even though it won’t happen overnight, by working with my therapist and working on these issues, things are going to improve.”
· If you find yourself getting really down on yourself, remind yourself that nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws and limitations, and those flaws and limitations do not make us less lovable or take away from our talents and strengths. Also, find a way to be compassionate with yourself. So, for example, if something did happen that contributed to your losing your confidence and your voice, remind yourself that your reaction is probably how most people would have reacted if they were in your shoes. Being compassionate and forgiving of yourself if going to be very important for you in terms of your feeling better about yourself and more loving of yourself.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
The teen pregnancy rate in the United States is the highest of any industrialized democracy, nearly twice that of Great Britain and 10 times that of Japan. 
