TeenHealthFX - Answers - Follow Up To

Suicide / Question
Published: September 15, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I am the girl who sent you the lost in love thing, and i need your help again. The plot of my life has thickened, and i need help. I have stopped cutting, at least for a little while, because i couldn't take it anymore and almost succeeded in killing myself,at school, which sent me to the mental hospital. I got better, they released me, yadda yada. Well, I went back to school, and i had one of my friends tell me she loved me. i had no idea what to tell her so i told her that i loved her back, and i didn't mean it. Then, for whatever reason, she started to pick fights with me so i got out of that relationship but almost ended up killing her at school. I didn't mean too, but i just felt so...angry...and hurt. I wanted her to hurt too. they forgave me at school, the teachers did, and then school ended. Well, now im in high school and now i have a boyfriend. His name is Xbbb, and i love him to death with everything i have.He loves me too, i know, he wouldn't lie to me because we've been together ever since i put my self in the mental hospital. Well, Xaaaa, the girl from before, she got my best friends to become ex best friends, but i just found this out and it pisses me off so bad that i want her to DIE. But she said that she didn't mean before, that she loved me and i just shut down and told her that i loved her again, and now she wants me to end it with fred. i can't. i need him to breathe, to live now. I just got over Xxxxxx, with Xbbb's help, and I just can't dump him like that, can i? this..all this just makes me wanna die so bad, makes me want to kill myself painfully. can you help me?

Signed: Follow Up To

Dear Follow Up To,

TeenHealthFX is very concerned about the urges you are experiencing at times to harm others and to harm yourself. It sounds like you are dealing with a great deal of rage – and have been since even before writing Lost In Love. This rage may be mainly connected to being raped; it might be connected to relationship issues in general that you have dealt with over the years with friends, significant others and/or family; or it might be due to something such as a mood disorder (or some combination of the three). You mentioned that you were admitted to an inpatient psychiatric unit this last spring. Generally, when patients are released from inpatient psych units there is some kind of follow-up plan that is put into place as far as continued therapy or medication management, if needed. If you currently have a therapist and/or psychiatrist, FX thinks that it is very important for you to discuss how you have been feeling with him/her so you feelings can be addressed. If you are not currently in therapy, then FX thinks it is critical for you to meet with a mental health professional as soon as possible. Whether your anger, desire to self-harm, and relationship ups and downs are due to having been raped, a mood disorder, or something else all together, it is important for you to get the treatment, support and guidance you need right now. This might involve individual, group, and/or family therapy, medication managements, or involvement in some kind of sexual assault survivor support group. But your anger and recent interpersonal issues do need to be addressed in some kind of helpful way.

Again, if you are currently in therapy, please speak to your treatment provider as soon as possible about what has been going on. If not, talk to your parents/guardians right away about how you have been feeling so a consultation can be scheduled. FX is genuinely sorry that you have been feeling so much anger and pain, but wants you to know that with treatment, guidance, and support for trained professionals, friends and family, things can get better.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

You can also contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week for help and information. You can search for a local counseling center on their website or use their online hotline.

Signed: TeenHealthFX