Bipolar Disorder & Extreme Moods / Question
Published: September 30, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a seventeen year old girl. I am a senior, and will be the first in my family to go to college. Recently, my mom started dating a n ex-crack addict. I don't like him, and she doesn't care. We've been fighting a lot about stupid stuff that never happened before. I was wondering if it's punishment for not liking her boyfriend. Also, I was wondering if I am bipolar. My mom won't take me to a therapist and we don't have any free clinics anywhere near where I live, so is there a test I can take online that is reliable?
Signed: How Do I Find Out If I'm Bipolar?
Dear How Do I Find Out If I'm Bipolar?,
There could be a lot of different reasons that you and your mother have been fighting lately:
· The arguing between you and your mother may be a result of the underlying tension related to your not liking the man she is currently dating.
· The fights might be related to feelings each one of you is having about your going off to college next year. Do you think it is going to be hard for either one of you to be away from the other while you are at school? Do you feel any guilt about being able to go off to college when other members of your family have not? While your mother is probably very proud of the fact that you are going off to college, do you think your going raises any anger for her that she was never able to go, herself?
· Since you are wondering if you are bipolar, if you are dealing with a mood disorder you might be more easily angered and agitated, and might be more ready to engage in a fight.
We just listed a few above, but there are so many possible reasons as to why you and your mother have been arguing more. Since it is obviously bothering you, FX suggests that you sit down with her to discuss it. Let her know that it feels to you like the two of you have been fighting more – especially about a lot of “stupid stuff” – and that you’re not quite sure what going on underneath that’s causing these fights, but that you would like the two of you to be able to work towards a more peaceful relationship with one another. Talk to each other and see if you can come up with any ideas about what the real issue that’s going on could be and what to do about it once you have figured it out. If you find that you are having trouble working this out on your own, consider meeting together with a family therapist. A family therapist can bring insight into what is contributing to the conflicts in the relationship and can work with you and your mother on deciding what you each need to do to make the relationship better.
As for determining whether or not you are bipolar, you do need to meet with a mental health professional to get a definitive diagnosis. The web offers information in terms of symptoms and signs of bipolar disorder, preferred treatment methods and such – but the internet cannot make valid diagnoses of mental health illnesses. Different mental health issues may have similar signs and symptoms – it takes a professional to determine what conditions need to be ruled out and what conditions should be considered. Even if you could get a diagnosis over the web, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that definitely requires treatment. In the case of bipolar, treatment is needed so that the person’s quality of life can improve, and to prevent the illness from worsening over time. So even if you could get a diagnosis over the web, you would still need to find a mental health professional to treat you.
As for your mother’s refusal to take you for a mental health consultation, or maybe being willing to go for family therapy, FX thinks that it is important for you to talk to her about this. Regarding family therapy, let her know that it is normal for families to meet with a therapist when they are having trouble resolving issues on their own, and impress upon her how important it is to you for the two of you to resolve these issues with the help of a third party if you get to the point where you would like the two of you to meet with a family therapist.
As for a consultation to determine if you have bipolar disorder, find out from your mother why she is resistant to taking you. Then let her know that she has nothing to lose. If she takes you for a consultation with a psychiatrist, social worker, or psychologist, and that person determines you do not have a mood disorder, then there is nothing to worry about in that department. And if that person does find you have a mood disorder, then you could begin to receive treatment to help you feel better and to help you deal in a better way with your relationship with your mother so that (hopefully) there will not be so much conflict.
If after speaking with your mother she continues to be resistant to treatment or addressing the relationship issues in any way, reach out to a trusted adult who can intervene on your behalf. You could speak to a school counselor, extended family member, or even a trustworthy friend of the family’s who could speak to your mother and encourage her to reach out for help for you and for the your relationship with one another. At the very least, try and connect with your school counselor as someone you can go to (on a regular basis or as needed) for guidance and support with all of this.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
For more information on bipolar disorder please go to the National Institute of Mental Health’s (NIMH) webpage Bipolar Disorder. Remember the information here is only a starting point – if you are concerned you have bipolar you need to meet with a psychiatrist, clinical social worker, or psychologist for a consultation.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
30% of teens with depression also have a substance abuse problem.
