Depression / Question
Published: October 6, 2009
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 17 year-old-guy, I have had depression all my life, from as early as 5 I just have constant sad feeling and anxiety but I kept it secret from my friends and family, but 7 weeks ago everything changed, my emotions got more and more intense I experience incredible highs of happiness and deep lows of sadness, the cause; a girl, I met her totally by chance before the summer and we hit it of great, we started hanging out and were now closer than we have ever been. When I'm away from her I feel depressed but when I'm with her I'm calm and happy, I'm very confused I don't know if I truly like her or it's just emotional attachment from years of separation and loneliness, I've had crushes before but nothing this intense I can't tell her how I feel in case I scare her off and I can't stop seeing her or I'll mentally and emotionally tear myself apart. i don't care if I'm her boyfriend or friend... all I want to do is enjoy the time we have together but I can't live with this emotional turmoil, I have a suspicion that I'm bipolar. I had nothing in my life: no friends or family I felt like I was better off dead and was considering it... until I met her, she has this amazing outlook on life and she's teaching me to enjoy life like she does (even if she doesn't know it), her last boyfriend cheated on her and says she doesn't want a relationship and wants to focus on school. -What should I do about this girl, should I enjoy my time or tell her how I feel? -Is what I'm feeling normal? -Am I depressed/Bipol We are now close friends, any other guy would love to be in my situation, I meet the perfect girl and I end up feeling depressed. Any advice will help...
Signed: Depression All My Life - But Highs And Lows Have Been Intensified Because Of Thi
Dear Depression All My Life - But Highs And Lows Have Been Intensified Because Of Thi,
Experiencing emotional highs and lows that occur with intensity and frequency can be an indication that a person is dealing with bipolar disorder. However, TeenHealthFX cannot make an accurate diagnosis over the web in terms of whether or not you definitely have a mood disorder. The only way to know for sure if you are dealing with any kind of mental health illness is to meet in person with a mental health professional for a consultation. While FX cannot make a diagnosis for you over the web, we do feel that it would be a good idea for you to meet with a mental health professional as you clearly have been feeling distressed with feelings of sadness, anxiety, and suicide for some time now.
There are many factors which can contribute to depressed moods, mood swings, and anxiety: mental health illnesses, environmental factors, relationships problems with family and/or friends – all of these things can contribute to concerning variations in mood. It is important for a psychiatrist, clinical social worker, or psychologist to meet with you to determine what the contributing factors are as to how you have been feeling and to work with you on formulating an effective treatment plan based on those factors. A mental health professional might recommend individual therapy, group therapy, family therapy, medication management, or some combination of the four. A therapist can be there with support and guidance to help you work through some of your negative feelings, build up a more loving support system for yourself, and find healthier ways to cope with negative feelings and problematic situations that might come up for you. A therapist can also help you to navigate relationships, like the one with this girl, in a way where you do not end up feeling as distraught as you feel right now.
As for this girl, FX can appreciate why she has become so important to you. It sounds from what you wrote like you have a limited support system – no friends or family to turn to for love, support and encouragement. Given that, FX can imagine that you must really be craving the idea of having someone special in your life, like this girl. Since you have felt so alone FX does think it is normal that you could end up feeling so strongly attached to this person. While it makes sense to FX that you could end up in this kind of interpersonal situation given your background with close relationships (or the lack thereof), and while there is nothing wrong with having friends and significant others in our lives to be there for us with live and support, what concerns FX about this relationship is how much you are depending on this girl to keep yourself together. It sounds like without her you would feel truly distraught, like you might unravel in some way – this concerns FX, and is part of the reason why we do recommend you meet with a mental health professional. It is important for you to get the help you need so that you can feel well and whole-enough within yourself that the company of others would feel wonderful, but wouldn’t be a necessity to keep you functioning.
There is a book we suggest you look up – it will give you an idea of what we are talking about in terms of finding a way to make yourself whole rather than looking for someone to fill in your gaps. The book is called The Missing Piece Meets The Big O by Shel Silverstein.
FX thinks that it is important for you to speak to your parent(s)/guardian(s) about how you have been feeling so that a consultation can be set up for you with a mental health professional. If you feel nervous speaking to your parent(s)/guardian(s) about this you could always enlist the help of a school counselor or other staff member at school who could intervene on your behalf and ensure that you get the help you need. FX would like to see the following happen:
· A consultation with a mental health professional where you can get an accurate diagnosis and have an effective treatment plan put in place that will address your depressed mood, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
· Increase your support system of trustworthy and caring peers and adults. You could always enlist the help of your therapist and/or school counselor for guidance in doing this.
· Work with your therapist to find a way to keep this girl in your life as a caring friend or girlfriend, without feeling so totally dependent on her for your emotional well-being.
You have already started to reach out for help by writing in to us – so keep reaching out, seek out the help you need, and have faith (as we do!) that things can get better for you.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.
If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Persons aged 15-24, who represent only 14% of the 
