TeenHealthFX - Answers - Tired Of Striving, Fighting, And Trying To Live My Life

Suicide / Question
Published: October 7, 2009

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm a 15 year old girl. Everyone is under the impression that I have the perfect life and that I smile alot. But in fact, I've got loads of problems and I cut myself and I think about suicide alot. I get depressed easily and mostly due to family problems. Sometimes, all I can do is laugh to stop myself from crying. Maybe that's why everyone thinks that I'm happy just because I laugh a lot. As I mentioned earlier, I have family problems. My parents never seem to understand me. They don't believe in the adolescent mood swings or hormones and stuff like that. They are over protective and I feel suffocated. My mum doesn't care about me and my dad is busy with work. I want to maintain a good father-daughter relationship with him. But I can't. When I get into arguments with him, I always say stuff that hurt him and we end up not talking for days. This have been going on for a few years now. I used to cry myself to sleep but recently, I realised that I can't even cry anymore. It's like my heart stopped feeling altogether. I think about suicide alot and had actually made a detailed plan before. Sometimes I really don't see the point in living my life. I want to just die and fade away. I'm just so tired of striving, of fighting, of trying to live my life to the fullest, of looking at the bright side.

Signed: Tired Of Striving, Fighting, And Trying To Live My Life

Dear Tired Of Striving, Fighting, And Trying To Live My Life,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate that you are feeling so tired given your situation at home. Given the relationship strains between you and both of your parents, FX could imagine that you may be feeling sad, angry, alone, and even somewhat hopeless in terms of the situation improving – and having all of these strong, negative emotions could wear anybody out.

Given that you think about suicide often and have even made a plan in the past to kill yourself, FX thinks that it is important for you to meet with a mental health professional as soon as possible. It is important that a professional adult is involved to ensure your immediate physical safety, as well as to formulate a long-term treatment plan that will address the emotional issues you are currently dealing with. A mental health professional can help with the following:

· Determine whether your sadness and suicidal thoughts are due to a mood disorder, the family stress you are experiencing or a combination of the two.

· Work with you to develop an effective treatment plan based on his/her diagnosis.

· Meet with you individually to work on developing healthier coping skills, and to provide you with guidance and support as you work through your feelings related to your relationships with your parents.

· Conduct family sessions with you and your parents to address the problems in the relationships that have left you feeling so distressed.

· Refer you for a consultation with a psychiatrist, if needed, to discuss the use of psychotropic medication to help brighten your mood. It sounds like you are not feeling connected to either one of your parents in a consistently loving way – a therapist can help you and your parents to look at what is contributing to the relationship being the way it is, as well as what all of you can do to improve the quality of the relationships.

TeenHealthFX strongly believes that your life is worth living. We understand how troublesome your relationships with your parents are feeling to you right now – but whether therapy helps the relationships to improve and/or helps you learn how to better cope with the current nature of the relationships, things can get better. FX thinks that part of the reason you are feeling so tired right now is that you are trying to deal with all of this and suffering through it all alone. Everyone, especially children and teens, needs love, guidance, and support from caring adults – we think if you felt more of this in your life you would not feel so tired. So you can make it a treatment goal to try and get more of those things from your parents. But you can also think about what other adults in your life you can turn to for those things – a private therapist, a counselor at school, a teacher, parents of a friend, a coach or whoever else comes to mind. Don’t go through this all alone – reach out for help, get into therapy, build up your support system, and remember that things can get better. And do not forget that there are many people (adults and peers) out there who would be happy to be there for you in a loving, respectful, giving, caring way.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. You can also contact your insurance company to get a list of in-network mental health providers or check with your school social worker or psychologist to get a list of referrals in your area.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

You can also contact the Self-Injury Hotline (information only, not a crisis line) at 1-800-DON’T-CUT, 1-800-366-8288.

Signed: TeenHealthFX