Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: April 10, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 14-year-old male. I am very intelligent and ambitous and have always been so. Unfortunately, at times I get the inexplicable feeling of worthlessness in comparison with others. I have grown up in a very female-dominanated surrounding. I am constantly perpounded with a barrage of a "men are stupid and worthless" attitude. I feel as if women are infinitely better than men and I could never compete, only submit under the rising tide of "women are the future". All of the top students at my school are girls and they all despise me for my rather quiet personality. They think I am a snob who does not find them worth talking to. Despite my anxiety, all I want is to please them. I feel trapped. I know this question is very strange, but it is very important to me for some sick reason. I think I might need help. I have had these strange physcological obsessions my whole life, always worrying if I am good enough. Sometimes this single ideal is all that keeps me going. I apologize for venting my problems on you. Please respond. Sincerely, Feeling Worthless
Signed: Feeling Wothless
Dear Feeling Wothless,
How you feel about yourself is a key component to happiness. Many people's moods are affected by a pessimistic view or an overly optimistic view of themselves. A person who is hard on himself/herself often feels unworthy or inferior to others. An egotistical person frequently is compensating for some conscious or unconscious flaw that would be threatening to their perception of who a person thinks he/she is. In either case there are some underlying issues that make it hard for the person to accept them self for who they really are, which is key component to good self-esteem.
You reasons for feeling you need help are in no way "sick." It is positive to recognize flaws in yourself and want to do something about it. People may try to communicate to you that you are inferior because you seek help for your problems but that simply is not the case. It is far more destructive to suffer in silence or isolate yourself because of a fear of what others may think.
Finding help begins with asking for help. There are probably many people in your life that would understand what you are going through and be able to help. Since you describe your problem as a "psychological obsession" a mental health professional would probably serve your needs best. You could ask your doctor or someone in your school such as a teacher, school nurse or school counselor to give you the names of some therapists that they have found to be helpful to other students in the past. They could also help you communicate with your family in case they are resistant to the idea of you seeking help.
If you live in northern New Jersey and would like help finding a therapist, you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto United States Department of Health and Human Services
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration http://www.mentalhealth.org/ to locate a therapist in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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