Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: October 28, 2005
Dear TeenHealthFX,
When I was about five/six and my brother about thirteen, he played this game with me. I don't feel comfortable talking in great detail about the game, but it ended up that we did some sexual things. I got physical enjoyment out of them, so I did not say no or resist. Now I'm fourteen and it's like it has come back to haunt me. For all these years it's been in the back of my mind and suddenly it's always on my mind. I can't go to my parents because it's just too embaressing and I don't want them to be disgusted with my brother. I just want to feel better. So I guess I have two questions: First, was this sexual abuse, since I didn't say no or resist? Second, regardless of what it may or may not be labeled, how can I just forget about it once and for all?
Signed: Wanting to Forget
Dear Wanting to Forget,
TeenHealthFX is glad that you decided to reach out for help with this. It’s understandable that you might feel haunted by what happened because the situation that you described would absolutely be considered one form of sexual abuse. Just because you didn’t say no or resist does not mean that your brother’s actions were okay. What your brother did was wrong since you were a young child and, as your older brother, he was more in a position of power and control. Sometimes victims of sexual abuse do experience some physical pleasure, which can add even more to feelings of shame and embarrassment. But it is important to remember that you did nothing wrong and you are not to blame.
You already took the first step in reaching out to someone about your experience. TeenHealthFX recommends that you take your next step and discuss this with your parents. They may be angry with your brother, but it is important for them to know what happened so they can give you their support. Your parents can also help you find a mental health professional that specializes in working with victims of abuse and can help you deal with the myriad of feelings surrounding the abuse. A trained therapist can help you find healthy ways to cope with what you have experienced. Your counselor may also recommend family sessions to deal with the issues that this will bring up between family members.
If you are really feeling uncomfortable and unsure how to talk with your parents about your circumstances, perhaps you could talk about this with a counselor at school who could help you figure out what to say and how to say it.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. In addition, log on or call Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens whose parents talk to them regularly about the dangers of drugs are 42% less likely to use drugs than those whose parents don’t, yet only 1 in 4 teens report having these conversations. 
