Helping Friends/Loved Ones Who Are Suicidal Or In Abusive Situations / Question
Published: July 8, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I dumped my boyfriend like a week ago. Now he says he wants to kill himself. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Signed: He Says He Wants To Kill Himself
Dear He Says He Wants To Kill Himself,
First, you need to tell your parents or another trusted adult, teacher or counselor what your boyfriend has told you. Although you may still care for your ex-boyfriend this is not your burden or responsibility to handle alone. They can help your boyfriend get the professional help he needs. Threatening suicide as a result of a breakup means that he is not in control of his feelings and is trying to reclaim what he has lost by threatening to hurt himself to make you stay. His trying to control you using threats of suicide is abusive to you.
It is important that you know that this is in no way your fault - you are not responsible for your boyfriend's feelings or actions. Getting back together with him to prevent him from committing suicide will only put you in a dangerous relationship - you will be resentful and unhappy and he will learn that he has power over you knowing that you do not want anything to happen to him.
Again, get an adult involved immediately. Your ex-boyfriend needs to see a professional as soon as possible. If your boyfriend lives in northern New Jersey he can call the ACCESS Center at Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400. Outside this area he can log on the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in his area.
If you think your boyfriend is in danger of hurting himself, dial 9-1-1. In northern New Jersey, he can call the Crisis Hotline at Morristown Memorial Hospital at 973.540.0100. Outside of this area he can call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 800.999.9999.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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