TeenHealthFX - Answers - How Do I Get Past The Social Reject I Put Myself In?

Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: May 22, 2002

Dear TeenHealthFX,

I'm 19 years old and I was molested and raped by a family member when I was 8 and it didn't stop until I was 16. In middle school I was made fun of so much for the way I looked and was constantly told that I was ugly and would never get a boyfriend. Well many years have passed by and I think I am a very pretty girl, but I hid myself away from everyone since 7th grade and I don't know how to interact normally with people I don't know and I would really like to be more social and get more friends and a boyfriend, but I don't know how to speak normally with people. Like I said I have made myself invisible to those I don't know, all because of what has happened to me in the past. How do I get past this social rejection I put myself in.

Signed: How Do I Get Past The Social Reject I Put Myself In?

Dear How Do I Get Past The Social Reject I Put Myself In?,

TeenHealthFX is delighted to hear that you are able to view yourself in a positive way. This is a big step in getting past the social isolation. Before you can get others to like you it is important to like yourself.

The most important thing you could do is to give yourself time. Isolating yourself became a way of dealing with your horrible ordeal and served a purpose up until now. Developing close relationships with other people can sometimes be hard for people who have been sexually victimized by a family member. The whole notion of trust in relationship becomes grossly distorted for the child because he/she was harmed by someone who was supposed to protect him or her. This is why therapy for victims of abuse is so very important, because it allows them to sort through the complicated issues that result from being abused. If you have not been in therapy before, this would be a good place to start.

Another good idea would be to join a support group with other women who are survivors of sexual abuse. These groups have a social component to them and the other members will be able to support you and offer advice on how they were able to deal with some of the different issues that you are facing. You can find information about these groups by calling, Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAIN), 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week.

If you continue to work at it and have the support, you will eventually develop the confidence in yourself that will help you navigate various social settings in a way that you are comfortable with.

Signed: TeenHealthFX