Self-Confidence & Self-Esteem Issues / Question
Published: October 15, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 15 year old female. I am 5' 6" and weigh (on a good day) 110 lbs. I weigh myself every morning and write down everything I eat. I used to make myself throw up everything but recently mom was getting suspicious so I stopped and gained 5 lbs. I try to eat as little as possible and keep a list of "diet rules". I have cut myself within the last month. I don't fall asleep until 4:30 some mornings. I broke up with old boyfriend about a week ago because I was depressed and so was he and I didn't want either of us to die. I am sort of seeing someone else now but we are taking it really slow. I have stopped hanging out with my old friends because I don't feel like I measure up to them and I am too fat. They are constantly making comments about how much weight I've lost (used to weigh 137-lost 27 lbs in 4 months) and how I have no butt. No matter what we are talking about the conversation always seems to turn to my weight/body. I have starting skipping classes because I just can't force myself to move from my study halls. I feel like no one cares. I have friends but still feel depressed. My mom lost her job about a month ago. I wear all black and lots of spiky metal jewelry. I'm a punk/Goth. None of my friends are punk. Except a few but aren't as extreme as me. I don't know what's wrong with me. If I lost another 10 lbs (taking me down to 105) I would be happier I think. School's going to end though and then my mom will force me to eat 3 meals a day. I know I physically cannot do this. I think I might have a problem. But what? I've had eating disorders in the past so I know I kind of got one of them, but what is all this other stuff?
Signed: What Is All The Other Stuff
Dear What Is All The Other Stuff,
TeenHealthFX is very concerned about you. It seems like you know that you have an eating disorder, but you also describe symptoms of depression and low self-esteem like cutting, feeling like no one cares and negative views about your body. This frequently happens as malnutrition becomes more severe and body weight is low.
It is important to get to understand what is going on with you and to get the treatment that is right for you.
Your mother got suspicious about your throwing up because she is concerned about you and knows that this is a dangerous thing to do. We suggest you speak to her, or someone else trustworthy who is close to you, because you will need support in order to work through this. Let them know how you have been struggling and that you need to get help. We recommend you see a doctor to evaluate your medical status and also that you see a therapist to deal with the underlying emotional issues. Your doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist to evaluate you to see if medication can help you.
If you live in northern New Jersey, you can also get help at the Eating Disorders Program at Atlantic Health System at (908) 522.5757. If you live elsewhere, get in touch with your local adolescent health center for a referral.
The following websites can give you more information and resources:
Eating Disorders Awareness & Prevention
The American Anorexia Bulimia Association
Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center
Most important, if at any point your feelings are overwhelming and you become afraid of your impulses, call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room for help. If you live in northern New Jersey you can call the Atlantic Health Systems Crisis Hotline at 973-540-1400 for direct assistance. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline at 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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