Dating Violence & Date Rape / Question
Published: August 5, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I need to know for sure whether or not what I went through would actually be considered "date rape". This guy I had a crush on went online saying that the only way I'd be able to have him is if I had sex with him. For the longest time I teased him how I was gonna do it but knew I never would and was offended by his remark. One day he picked me up from work and brought me back to his place where I was planning on teasing him more then leave him. It didn't turn out that way. Before I knew it he was out of his pants and coming toward me telling me to suck his dick. I seriously didn't want to and he shoved my mouth on his dick and couldn't get out of that situation. While I was doing that without my own consent he started taking off my clothes. I stopped and said I wasn't gonna do anymore and he seemed fine at first. I changed into my swimsuit and got in the pool where again he started making these moves on me like holding me while he was trying to have sex with me which I was able to get out of. Then this guy picked me up and put me on the pool ladder where he decided to make another attempt where again I made sure he didn't by locking my knees together to keep him from having sex with me. He got pissed and then got out of the pool which I decided I was gonna get out also not thinking anything of it. When I got into his house he was putting a condom on and I was shocked by his persistence to not give up. I was just in shock that he laid me down on the floor and I was just unable to say a word or do anything, it was like my mind went blank and I was a vegetable. That's when he took away my virginity and I just laid there not being able to do anything. So would you consider this a date rape or anything like that? Considering the fact I didn't really give consent and did say no on several occasions before the actual incident.
Signed: Unsure About Date Rape
Dear Unsure About Date Rape,
TeenHealthFX is saddened to hear about your ordeal and encourages you to talk to a counselor or trusted adult about what happened. Date rape, (see Info. About Date Rape) which is also called acquaintance rape, happens to many teenagers, a lot of who do not report it because they are not really sure that they have been "raped". The legal definition of date rape is "non-consensual sexual intercourse by a friend or acquaintance," which is precisely the situation you describe. You did not give consent and said no. This guy had no right to take advantage of you like he did.
There are certain things to keep in mind about acquaintance rape. There is no justification for sexually assaulting another person. Being in a man's house or car does not mean that a woman has agreed to have sex with him. Rape occurs when one is forced to have sex against their will, whether they physically fight back or not. And, your right to say "no" should be honored, regardless of the activities which preceded it. You need to remember that being raped is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Being raped is a frightening experience, so you might want to talk to a counselor, parent or other trusted adult about what happened to you. A counselor who is trained in working with victims of sexual assault can help you sort out the complicated emotions that can arise from this traumatic experience. In addition, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) have a good hotline number to call for more information about sexual assault. They can be reached at (800) 656.HOPE (4673).
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Teens who drink are more likely to be victims of violent crimes and sexual assault, have serious problems in school, be involved in drinking-related traffic crashes, and develop problems with alcohol later in life.
