Helping Friends And Loved Ones With Their Emotional Issues / Question
Published: August 12, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi. I'm a 14 yo girl. A year ago, my mom got operated in her eye because the retina got messed up. And ever since then, she hasn't recovered completely, might I say at all. By mistake during the operation, the doctors took the natural lense of the eye. She's very stressed and depressed about this whole situation and it worries me. The other day she was saying that she wanted to die and that the only reason that she was still alive was because of me. She started crying and everything. I tried to console her but it didn't work. I'm scared that on top of the eye problem, she might get depressed. Any suggestions? What can I do to help my mother? Please post this on the website. I really need help.
Signed: Mom Is Sick - What Can I Do
Dear Mom Is Sick - What Can I Do,
There is a strong possibility that your mother could be depressed. It is understandable that your mother would be very upset as a result of her surgery, but wanting to die indicates that the situation is much more complicated. Your mother needs professional help. You cannot bear the burden alone nor can you make your mother feel better. You can start by telling another adult family member how much your mother has been struggling and that you are scared for her well-being. Together or with other family members you can then approach your mother and let her know how concerned you all are about her. Try and convince her that she would benefit from an evaluation from a psychiatrist to see if she is clinically depressed. From there the psychiatrist can make the determination whether medication, talk therapy or a combination of both would be the beneficial to her. It would be a good idea if you and another family member accompanied your mother to the evaluation so that you could share your concerns. You may even want to ask the doctor if he/she thinks counseling would be helpful for you. Not only has your mother been through a lot but also so have you. Do not under estimate the impact this whole ordeal has had on you.
While your mother's situation is tragic, it does not have to control her life. With the proper help and support she can go back to her normal functioning and be apart of life again.
If at anytime you fear that your mother may hurt herself or she indicates that she has a plan, then you need to seek help immediately (Never promise her that you will keep her suicidal thoughts a secret). You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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