Childhood Sexual Abuse / Question
Published: September 30, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
When I was nine (I'm fourteen now), I became friends with an older man who lived down the road and was pretty nice. He was considerably older than me, around 60 or 65 and I would go to his house every day and we would talk and play games and stuff. Then one day he kissed me... with the tounge and all. I didn't think anything of it until it evolved into something else.. sex. That's what he wanted from me. He told me that "it is our little secret, they wont understand" and he threatened to take me down with him if I ever told... Now, I know it's not my fault and I know I'm not in danger anymore. He stopped when I had just turned fourteen and I don't see him much anymore. I told three of my best friends one day and one of them told the guidance counselor at my middle school and she talked to me about it. I got really scared then and I realized that I don't believe it would help me to tell anyone or get CPS or anyone involved. I really don't want my parents to know because of the embarassment. I was wondering if you had anyway that I could keep myself from getting depressed over this without getting help from a professional. I talked to my friend's psychiatrist online and he didn't help one bit. I want to deal with this on my own and I really do believe I am strong enough to do it. If you have any answers please tell me...
Signed: I Want To Deal With It On My Own
Dear I Want To Deal With It On My Own,
TeenHealthFX thinks you are very brave for trying to get over this on your own, but from what you have written, it is understandably not working for you. Sexual abuse presents the victim with wide range of mixed motions that can be overwhelming. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about - your parents will probably want the opportunity to look after you and see that you get you the support you need. Your friend tried to get you help by talking to your counselor. Even though your counselor in the middle school tried to speak to you about the abuse, he/she was legally obligated to report the abuse to CPS (child protective services) and we wonder why that did not happen.
What that man did to you clearly meets the definition of sexual abuse - he gained your trust slowly and then manipulated and exerted control over you by raping you and then threatening you to keep you quiet. TeenHealthFX is not so sure you are not in danger any more. You say you do not see him "much" - if you see him at all you are still at risk. Also, other children are at risk because pedophiles typically do not stop until they are caught.
There are therapists out there who are specially trained in working with victims of sexual abuse. There are also support groups with other women who have been through similar experiences. These therapists and support groups can help you comes to terms with issues surrounding your abuse and provide you with plenty of support along the way.
To find a therapist in northern New Jersey can the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400. Outside of this area log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's website. Also, if you would like information or other resources on sexual abuse checkout the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) website or call them at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), 24 hours, 7days a week
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
