TeenHealthFX - Answers - Thinking Of Suicide Since I Was 12

Suicide / Question
Published: September 22, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

This has been really hard for me to talk about for the last 4 years now. When I was 12, I got really depressed and tried to kill myself. Ever since that day, I have been thinking of suicide, writing about it, and attempting it. I don't know what to do. To me, life has no meaning, and it doesn't make any sense at all to be alive. The last time I did it, I was upstairs in the bathroom, I took a knife, and cut out a chunk of skin in both my wrists, now there is a scar in the shape of a V. It is really hard for me to wear some clothes that I have, and without jewelry. Like in gym for example. I told my mom, and I believe she told me dad, but she didn't believe me. She said she would have noticed. I don't know what to do! My friend is the only one who believes me and knows that I've tried to do it many times. I just don't understand why my mom doesn't believe me. I went to a therapist but that didn't help me at all. I still think about it, and I still attempt it. It is too hard for me to go on living, please TeenHealthFX, tell me what to do or some advice and the reason I'm alive. Please. Thank you for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me that people I don't know and have never met will take the time to answer my questions.

Signed: Thinking Of Suicide Since I Was 12

Dear Thinking Of Suicide Since I Was 12,

TeenHealthFX is glad you wrote - feeling depressed and suicidal is no way for anyone to live. Depression can be treated effectively with a combination of medication and therapy. We are glad to hear that you have been to a therapist. We are sorry that you feel like it did not help however, we urge you to give it another try and be completely honest about what you are experiencing - like thinking about suicide every day and cutting yourself. If for some reason you do not feel comfortable communicating with your present therapist then you need to find one you are comfortable talking to. The important issue is that you communicate with him or her honestly. Your therapist can talk to your parents about what you are experiencing and how best to help you. Your therapist can also refer you to a psychiatrist who can evaluate you and prescribe medication if necessary.

You are a special person who has a lot to live for - if you kill yourself you will miss out on all that life has to offer (joys and sorrows). There are many people including family and friends who would be devastated if anything ever happened to you. Suicide is a permanent reaction to a solvable problem. The amount of pain you feel now does not compare with the agony your loved ones would have to endure for the rest of their lives if you were to take your life.

If you get to the point that you are seriously considering suicide or are afraid of your impulses then you need to seek help immediately. You can call 911 or go to your nearest hospital emergency room. In northern New Jersey you can also call the crisis hotline from Morristown Memorial hospital at 973-540-0100. Outside this area call the Suicide & Crisis Hotline, 1-800-999-9999, 24 hours, 7 days a week.

If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area. For information and resources about cutting, check out Self-Abuse Finally Ends (S.A.F.E.) Alternatives.

Signed: TeenHealthFX