General: Miscellaneous / Question
Published: July 24, 2002
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I just wanted to ask you if it's normal and o.k. to catch things from novels and movie characters and good people around you. I mean you learn from all these things and I'm not sure if you develop your personality or lose your identity by catching i.e. absorbing all those qualities in the people you read about and you see. I think I can't be too natural and behave in a certain way that I think can make me do anything I want to do. I mean I'm in control of the situation ie all aspects of my life. But I think I act, behave and 'think' like one of the cool movie and novel character I identify myself with. He's my rolemodel. I don't know if I'm losing my own identity or developing and learning something. I want to be what he is and live my life the way he lives. I'm confused about myself. I don't know if it's right to do that. Am I living in some kind of a dream or what? Please tell me what's happening with me. I'm just a 19 year old guy. Tell me what I can do for myself. Thank you. p.s. - pls post this one in General topics because I don't know where I can find it and please reply ASAP. Thanks a million.
Signed: Personality-My Identity?
Dear Personality-My Identity?,
TeenHealthFX hears your concerns and understands that developing your "identity" can be a confusing process. Like so many others your age, throughout your adolescence you will no doubt look to your environment for examples of both positive and negative behaviors that you can apply back to your own life. There is nothing wrong with finding a role model that you admire - people of all ages can benefit from a positive influence. It may though be confusing to try to emulate behaviors that you have come to know through fictional situations like movies or books. Although the characters within may have admirable qualities, it is important to realize that they are not faces with real life challenges in the same way a living person is, no matter how the script is written.
Try looking for the qualities you admire in this character in real people in your life and see how they behave in the "real world". Whether it is a parent, teacher, coach, friend or other person in your life, you will have a more realistic role model if you try to pick one outside of the often-idealized world Hollywood shows us.
Looking for ways to behave through observation of others is just one way of developing your identity. As a 19 year old, you have had many experiences that you can sift through and decide what you think of them and how you react to them. As an exercise, you can list what personality traits that you value and admire. You are then able to behave in a way that reflects your values.
Self-esteem is also an important aspect of your identity and by building your self-esteem you will also enhance your all around concept of yourself.
TeenHealthFX hopes these suggestions are helpful to you. Remember that although we are all influenced by the people in our lives, the individual is the one in charge of building their own identity.
If you still have questions, maybe talking to a professional, like a psychologist or social worker would be helpful for you. "Talk Therapy" can help you to trust your own judgment and feel good about the decisions you make on your own. If you would like help finding a mental health professional, you can talk to your doctor, school counselor or health services. If you live in northern New Jersey, you can also call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 888.247.1400 for an appointment.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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