TeenHealthFX - Answers - Love Him, Don't See Myself Being With Him

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: November 19, 2003

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Hi I'm fifteen years old. My boyfriend (16) and I have been dating for couple of months. We see each other every day we talk on the phone every day. I love him, but my parents don't agree. He got kicked out of school. He doesn't have a job and he is in a gang. He also drinks. I don't know if he is a bad influence for me. Also he is very controlling. I don't know if I should break up with him? I love him, but I don't see myself being with him.

Signed: Love Him, Don't See Myself Being With Him

Dear Love Him, Don't See Myself Being With Him,

FX can see why your parent's would be concerned as we are too. FX is also glad that you are asking this question because it tells us that you care about yourself enough to really evaluate this situation. FX is not here to judge if this relationship is good or bad for you, but we hope we can help you consider your options.

You yourself point out some negative aspects of your boyfriend - getting kicked out of school, being in a gang, drinking, and being controlling. Also, you do not mention any positive qualities. It would be a good idea for you to think about what qualities you are in love with. Further, you need to ask yourself questions about your happiness and safety. You need to think about if you enjoy being with someone who is in potentially dangerous situations (drinking, gang violence). FX does recommend that you to discuss this with someone you trust like an adult at school (a teacher, school nurse or guidance counselor). Sometimes talking about it with someone can help you to figure out and make a more informed decision..

When doing your thinking and considering FX wants you to consider some facts:

Being in a controlling in a relationship (especially along with drinking) are risk factors for dating violence .
Guilt by association - Not that it is fair, but most people have the tendency to judge a person by who they are with
Being around alcohol and drugs puts you at risk to become a user and feel the effects of being around a user

All this said, talk to someone and come up with a decision for yourself. You sound like you are already having doubts - So, if you do not see yourself as being with him, you owe it to yourself (and your boyfriend) to be fair and break it off with him.

Signed: TeenHealthFX