Parents & Family / Question
Published: November 19, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 13 yr old female. My family is falling apart because my dad hasn't found a job since he was let go off his job in January. My mom recently had a miscarriage, which is very up setting. My mom thinks that my top priority should be trying to afford our house, when that's not my job, she said that if I think differently then my priorities are messed up. I can't even talk on the phone because she's afraid someone will call when I'm on the phone (I'm only on the phone at the most right now is 1 minute because as soon as someone calls for me she tells me to get off). Plus this doesn't help me when I'm having a really hard time in my school. I don't know what to do my life is falling apart. Please write me back as soon as you can.
Signed: Family Falling Apart
Dear Family Falling Apart,
TeenHealthFX is really sorry about all the difficulties your family is dealing with. While each thing is tough on its own, when added together the stress level multiplies tremendously. This is a time for your family to pull together.
We understand your feeling that affording your house is not something that a 13 year old can do much about. We also understand the pressure your mom must be feeling - parents want to provide a safe and comfortable home for their children and her ability to do that for you is being threatened. Losing a job is one of the most stressful that adults can face. The losses your mother and father have faced are enormous.
So what can you do? You can learn to manage your own stress - check out our answer to I.M. Stressed for tips on what you can do. We also recommend that you talk to a counselor or teacher at school about what is going on. They can help you with what is going on at school and can be supportive about what is going on at home.
If these suggestions do not help then it is time to talk to a professional. Talking to a counselor can give you support and help you cope with the stress. A counselor can also see your whole family to help everyone deal with the changes in their lives. Not having money or insurance should not keep you from counseling - many agencies see people on a sliding scale basis, meaning that you pay what you can afford to.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
