Parents & Family / Question
Published: March 29, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I'm 16 and a male. I had sex with a girl, and well, I got her pregnant. The thing is, is that I'm gay. I don’t know what to do. I recently got a boyfriend, and I’m not sure how to deal with this and a baby. If my parents found out that I’m gay they would make me go see my priest. My ex-girlfriend knows, and is happy for me, but since we live in very catholic families, I feel like I’d being judged by my family all the time. My question is how can I tell my parents that I’m gay, and that I’m going to be a father? Please help me!
Signed: How Can I Tell My Parents I Am Gay and Going to Be a Father?
Dear How Can I Tell My Parents I Am Gay and Going to Be a Father?,
The only way to tell them is to find a time where everyone seems calm and interruptions are not likely to occur – and just tell them. It may be a lot for them to digest all at once, but hopefully in the end they will be able to be supportive of you in both situations. However, if you are really worried about how you will deal with your parents’ reactions to your news, you might want to think about figuring a few things out on your own before speaking with them.
First, FX recommends that you go with this girl to her doctor or a local teen health clinic to discuss your options in terms of the pregnancy (your three options are abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby). The staff there can help you in terms of any needed plans if the choice is for an abortion or to give the baby up for adoption. If you both decide to keep the baby, the staff there can help you, or refer you both to a counselor who can help you, makes plans on how you both can provide any needed care for your child. It may feel easier speaking with your parents about this if you can outline a plan for them as to how you and she are going to proceed.
If you don't have a doctor and live in northern New Jersey, you can call the Adolescent/Young Adult Center for Health at 973-971-6475 for an appointment or contact your local teen health center or Planned Parenthood.
In terms of disclosing your sexual orientation to your parents, since you state that you are worried that you will be judged by your family all the time, you might want to consider discussing these concerns with a therapist or with any friends who are gay and have already been in your shoes. That way, you can figure out how you want to deal with your feelings about telling them, as well as the most comfortable ways in which you can address any negative reactions your family may have about this.
If you live in northern New Jersey and need help finding a therapist you can call the Access Center from Atlantic Behavioral Health at 973-247-1400. Outside of this area you can log onto the US Department of Health and Human Services Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website for referrals in your area.
If needed, you can also contact the Gay and Lesbian National Hotline at 1-888-THE-GLNH (366-8288), 24hours, 7 days a week or the Gays and Lesbian Teens hotline at 1-800-850-8078, 24 hours, 7days a week (a crisis hotline for gay, lesbian and questioning youth, ages 25 and younger).
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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