ME & Relationships / Question
Published: December 28, 2006
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Hi I am 14 years old and a girl that goes to my school has harassed me. She called me fat and said that I have an ugly body. I didn’t do anything at the time but walk away. Now I realize that I really want to fight her because I feel that my reputation is on the line. I am also the school's president and if fight her then I will automatically get kicked off the council. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. Please help so that I won’t make the wrong choice or get my rep ruined! Thank you so much.
Signed: My Reputation Is On The Line
Dear My Reputation Is On The Line,
First of all, TeenHealthFX is very sorry to hear that you are feeling harassed by someone at your school, and that this person said such cruel and hurtful things to you. FX commends your choice to walk away since it does not sound like this girl isn’t worth losing your position as school president over. Being school president is an amazing accomplishment and something to feel proud of. It is an experience where you can learn a tremendous amount and it will look wonderful on your college applications when the time comes, and it gives you a chance to model admirable behavior to the rest of your classmates – like not giving into to bullies.
FX understands that there can be an urge to fight so that people feel clear you can and will stand up for yourself when bullied by someone else. But FX also wants you to consider some other things. First, what a bully wants is a fight and to get a rise out of the person they are tormenting. As soon as that person gives in to their anger and gives into the fight, the bully wins – because he/she got exactly what he/she hoped for. Second, FX would not give this person too much power or credibility in terms of what she has to say. Since she is so interested in being mean and cruel, her opinions weigh little to nothing with TeenHealthFX – so do not give her words power by taking them so seriously or allowing them to ruin things for you (like losing your council position). Third, if this girl ever starts with you again, you might just say that you think it is really sad that she has nothing better to do with her time than to hurl insults around. But that you do have more important things going on in your life, so you really cannot be bothered to pay any attention to her nonsense and you are not going to waste any of your time on her – and then walk away.
Finally, you do not have the power to control what this girl says or does, but think about the power you do have – you are the school president! Talk to the faculty advisor for the student government about starting a program in the school aimed at stopping bullying. There are speakers you can get to come into schools to speak on the topic, programs that can be implemented, and policies that the school can adopt if they are not currently doing an adequate job in stopping the bullying. For example, some schools have adopted a policy where there are incentives for students to stand up to bullies when they see a bully being mean to one of their peers – this might be something to look into for your school. And if you want to talk about reputation – think of the admiration and respect people will have for you if you take on the bullying this way instead of through
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
