TeenHealthFX - Answers - Girlfriend Cheated - Still Love Her and Feel Stuck

Significant Others: Girlfriends & Boyfriends / Question
Published: November 28, 2006

Dear TeenHealthFX,

Recently, I found out my girlfriend was at a party and spent most of the time flirting and making out with another guy. I was really hurt by this. I talked to her and she admitted to being stupid and not thinking right and she apologized a million times. She still wants to go out with me. I still love her but I'm worried she might cheat again or other people will think I'm stupid or something. I really love her but I'm stuck here.

Signed: Girlfriend Cheated - Still Love Her and Feel Stuck

Dear Girlfriend Cheated - Still Love Her and Feel Stuck,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate what a difficult situation you are in. On one hand, it was obviously hurtful and upsetting to you to find out your girlfriend cheated on you, but, on the other hand you still care about your girlfriend, who admitted to being in the wrong and seems to want to continue with the relationship.

In order to become “unstuck” about what you want to do here, asking yourself some of the following questions may help you to feel clearer about what you want to do here:

Has your girlfriend given you a clear reason as to what lead her to cheat on you? (Since you said she was at a party, FX wonders if she had been drinking alcohol. If that is the case, being under the influence may have contributed to her actions, but certainly is not the sole reason for what she did).
Has your girlfriend given you a clear reason as to why you should feel trusting of her and willing to continue with the relationship?
Has she, or does she plan to, make any changes or address any issues that would prevent a situation like this from happening again?
Do you get the feeling that your girlfriend truly feels sorry for what she did, or do you get the feeling that she only feels badly because she got caught?
Do you feel like your girlfriend has been acting in a supportive way in terms of helping you to get through this, as well as acting in ways to prove how important it really is to her to continue to be with you?
Do you feel like your girlfriend has been respectful of the time and space you need to consider how you would like to proceed with the relationship?
Have there been any other problems in the relationship that have been concerning you recently that have gone unaddressed?
Have you generally felt treated with love and respect by your girlfriend in the past?
If you decide to continue with the relationship, with time do you feel you would be able to trust her or would you be constantly worried about what she was doing and who she was with? If you do feel that you would have difficulty trusting her in the long-run, is it okay with you to be in a relationship where there are trust issues and you may find yourself feeling worried or suspicious?
Do you have a particular gut instinct as to whether you could see your girlfriend cheating on you again in the future?
When you think of how you feel about your girlfriend and the relationship you have had, is it worth it to go through all the grieving and healing with her to save the relationship?

It’s very painful when a significant other is unfaithful – and it can be very confusing and difficult to decide how to proceed with the relationship when that happens. Consider some of the questions above, and find a trusted adult with whom you can discuss these questions if that would help. As you think about these questions and talk about your answers, it may help you to feel clearer about what you want to do.

Signed: TeenHealthFX