Same-Sex Relationships / Question
Published: March 29, 2007
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I recently told my best friend about my feelings for her, we're both girls and I've been in love with her for a while now. I sent her an e-mail that said how I feel, and she sent me two replies. The first one said that she wouldn't be my girlfriend, but we can be best friends for life. And the second one said that she would if she was allowed to have a boyfriend too. At the time I was so surprised that I said I was okay with that, but now that I think about it, I'm not. Even though I understand why she feels that way. I don't want to hurt or disappoint her. But I don't want to be her secret, and I don't want her to leave me for a boy. And I'm also worried that if she does go out with a boy, he could find out about me and that would hurt them both. What am I supposed to do?
Signed: Feelings For My Best Friend
Dear Feelings For My Best Friend,
Your ideal situation here might be for your best friend to become your girlfriend and for the two of you to exclusively be together. But if, from what it sounds like your friend has told you, your options are to either remain best friends or date with the provision that you can both see other people – then you need to decide which of these two choices feels best for you. It sounds like you are feeling concerned about how you would be able to handle the idea of possibly “sharing” her with someone else if she was dating you and a guy at the same time – and FX thinks you really need to take this into consideration when deciding what you want to do here. While it may feel hard not to have all of what you want, it does not mean that you need to settle for something less than what you want – you can tell her that if she is uncomfortable being with you exclusively, you would feel more comfortable with the two of you remaining friends. But only you can know what feels right and best for you – and you just have to weigh out the pros and cons of your two options to figure that out, and listen to any doubts or concerns you have regarding either option.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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