TeenHealthFX - Answers - Brother Is Marrying Someone I Can't Stand

Sibling Issues / Question
Published: January 30, 2007

Dear TeenHealthFX,

My brother is getting married to somebody I cant stand and my whole family disapproves of her and its really difficult dealing with her and its even harder because he doesn’t know that we don’t like her because he’s in the army and we feel that we should put more stress on him

Signed: Brother Is Marrying Someone I Can't Stand

Dear Brother Is Marrying Someone I Can't Stand,

TeenHealthFX can appreciate how hard this situation must be on you and on your family. Obviously you care about your brother very much to be so concerned with who he is choosing to marry, and to be worried about placing any extra burdens on him by expressing directly to him about how you are feeling about his fiancé. To help you to decide how you want to handle this situation, FX recommends that you think about some of the following questions in terms of your brother’s personality:

When you think about your brother’s personality, do you think it would be more stressful or upsetting to him to find out beforehand how you and your family feels about his fiancé, or to possibly learn after the wedding about how his family is feeling about his choice in a lifetime partner?

While it may be understandably hard for your brother to hear that you and your family do not approve of his fiancé, do you think that he really could not handle the news on top of what he is dealing with or are you possibly selling him short in terms of what he is actually capable of handling at this point?

Do you think your brother is the type who would want you to keep your feelings to yourself for the sake of supporting him in a decision he seems to want, or would it be important to him for the sake of your relationship with one another that you be open and honest with him?

FX understands that these are very difficult questions. So in addition to your thinking about them on your own, it also might be helpful for you to talk about them with a trusted adult – whether that adult is someone in your family, or whether you think it might be more helpful to find an adult who can have a more objective view of the situation (such as talking to a neighbor or staff member at your school).

Signed: TeenHealthFX