Difficulties In Making Friends & Not Enough Time With Friends / Question
Published: February 5, 2003
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I am a 14 year old girl. In the past, anybody who I got really close to left me (moved away, found new friends). Now I'm finding it hard to trust anybody or become close. I also really noticed that I get really defensive around my friends now. I can't make ANY real relationships with people whether it's just friends or more. Recently, I found out that some of the people I so call friends are talking behind my back about this. Why am I doing this?
Signed: Can't Get Close To Anyone
Dear Can't Get Close To Anyone,
It is hard to place our trust in anyone after having that trust broken. By placing our confidence in someone else we also give them a piece of ourselves. If that person hurts or leaves us it is extremely painful. Often you cannot prevent this. You can guard yourself carefully and choose to keep many things private, but the basis of any relationship is sharing. Keeping everything locked away because there is a possibility to be hurt puts a road block between you and any future relationship.
Making new friends is part of maturing. Sometimes we grow out of friendships and sometimes they end painfully. We cannot choose what the ending will be. However each relationship, formed or ended, allows us to grow and become stronger.
Your friends may be concerned for you and not know how to address your recent actions. They may feel attacked or distant from you. You may want to reevaluate your feelings and find out where this defensive feeling is coming from. Talking to your friends may also be a good idea. Miscommunication often destroys friendships; do not allow yourself to fall into that trap.
Only time and practice can help regain your trust in others. It is hard to build relationships of any kind. There is so much unknown, but by taking it slowly you build long lasting relationships. You may want to talk to an adult or counselor to help give you a different perspective and help you sort out your feelings.
Signed: TeenHealthFX
While 93% of teenage women report that their first intercourse was voluntary, one-quarter of these young women report that it was unwanted. 
