Parents & Family / Question
Published: February 1, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
Ok so my dad and I have the same cell phone and I picked his up one day by mistake. It said 1 new text message so still thinking it was mine I opened it. I wish I never did because it was from some woman telling him she missed him and loved him. I know this is not a family member, friend, or co-worker. I read other messages after that that were much more intimate. The last time I found out my dad was cheating I overheard him talking to someone on the phone. I confronted him about it and he denied it. Finally I told my mom but she didn't believe me. I think she would rather think I'm a lier than realize her husband is a scumbag! I don't know what to do because I already know that he will deny it if I ask him about it. If I go directly to my mom and she actually does believe believe me it could mean the end of their marriage and the break up of our family and I would have caused it! Please help I need advice!
Signed: Accidently Saw Dad's Text Message
Dear Accidently Saw Dad's Text Message,
TeenHealthFX can only imagine how upset you must have been when you came across this text message. Whatever happens in your parent’s relationship will be as a result of their actions not yours. Your father has shown that he will outright lie to you and your mother about his behavior. While your mother will deny the reality of the situation you are left coming to terms with your emotions on your own. Rather then confronting your father about the situation why not let him know how you saw the text message and how it made you feel. In this way the conversation reflects your reaction to his infidelities rather then having him minimize his behavior or outright denying what you have discovered. If your father can not see how his actions are affecting you then there is not much you can do about the way he conducts himself.
Confiding in your mom about the text message does not make you responsible for the outcome of that conversation. Whatever consequences that would result would be a reflection of your father’s actions and how your mother chooses to deal with it. You can tell your mother you thought she should have the information and it is up to her what she does with it.
It is very hard to feel hurt and helpless in a situation that you have not control over. What parents do and how they act has a significant impact on their children. Sometimes parent get so caught up in those own needs they lose sight of how their children are being affected. This is why TeenHealthFX feels it would be beneficial for you to have someone you could talk to who understands your perspective of the situation and how it impacts you. Perhaps you could talk with a school counselor or a family member and that adult could either help you with the situation or help you find a therapist to talk to. A therapist might be the best choice since this is a family matter and they are governed by strict laws of confidentiality.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
Alcohol kills 6.5 times more youth than all other illicit drugs combined.
