Parents & Family / Question
Published: February 18, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
My older brother, age 18, has just announced that he is going to be a father. Ever since then, my mother and father have been incredibly stressed out. My mom is always aggrivated. Recently, my parents told us of suspicions that this may not be my brother's child, since his girlfriend has had multiple other boyfriends. My parents do not trust her. This could make matters worse. I'm only fifteen. What should I do? What can I do?
Signed: My 18 Year Old Brother Is Going To Be A Father
Dear My 18 Year Old Brother Is Going To Be A Father,
TeenHealthFX can understand that this must be feeling like a difficult and stressful time for you. You may feel worried for your brother and how he is going to handle the situation – or you may even be angry with him, feeling like he has brought this stressful situation into the household. You may also be concerned for your parents and how they are coping with the situation – or you may be frustrated with them that they are constantly stressed and aggravated and subsequently making the house an uncomfortable environment for you to have to live in.
As for what you could or should do, FX thinks that it is important that you not take on your brother’s situation as any kind of personal problem of your own. You can be there for him with love and support if you would like, but you did not create this problem and you are not responsible for trying to solve it – that is up to your brother alone. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to fix things for the people we care for, however, trying to fix other people and/or their problems is definitely not a healthy place to be.
As for your parents, FX hopes that their stress and aggravation will decrease with time. It sounds like this information has just been presented to them, so they may need some time to come to terms with it. In the meantime, just remind yourself that if they are testy or irritable, that it is not your fault and that it will hopefully die down with time. If you find that the tension in your house persists over time, then FX suggests that you sit down with your parents and let them know how you are feeling so that the three of you can work together to find a way to deal with the issue. If you find that you need additional help with this problem, FX recommends that you speak with a trusted adult you know or that you seek the help of a professional therapist who can work with you individually or as a family.
If you live in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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