Concerned About A Friend / Concerned About A Friend's Influence On Me / Question
Published: March 20, 2008
Dear TeenHealthFX,
I have a very good friend that I have known for many many years. You could say we are best friends, or at least that I am her's...because I am her only friend. Her father passed away about two years ago, and she was relieved about it and felt nothing, claiming to be happy he was gone. The whole situation was strange. They didn't even hold a funeral- just donated his body to the hospital for research. He was the pastor of our church, and everyone loved him, but she always claimed to be so annoyed by him, always having negative things to say. She has been home schooled her entire life, and after her father passed, she has been spending, (I do not exaggerate) every waking moment of her life with her mother. She has a sister, but she is away at college, so it is just she and her mom in this big house, spending every moment of their lives together. She only does home schooling, and some volunteer work on the weekends. I think she is taking a dance class now, but she isn't close to!
anyone but me, and we have just now started talking again after growing apart since around the time her dad died. It seems since we have re-tied the bonds that were broken, she has been desperate to spend time with me, and whenever we're together, she always has something to talk about, almost like she couldn't wait to have someone her age to talk to and spend time with. She's 16. I love my mother, but I could never spend every waking moment with her. It's almost like her mother brainwashes her or something. That may sound foolish, but it's just how I see it. She listens to nothing but Christian music, sees PG or PG-13 movies, and just spends so much time with her mother that I fear she is losing her personality in it all. I was wondering if you think her situation is an unhealthy one, and if so, is there anything I can do as the only person her age she truly cares about and trusts? Please respond, I'm quite confused. Thank you for your time.
Signed: Concerned About Friend Who Is Homeschooled
Dear Concerned About Friend Who Is Homeschooled,
TeenHealthFX can understand your concern and confusion here. Adolescence is time in life where it is very typical for people to gravitate more towards friends and peer relationships, and where people are taking some real steps towards becoming more independent from their families. The fact that your 16 year old friend spends the majority of her time with her mother and has only one friend her age is unusual and is of some concern. In addition, it sounds like there are unresolved feelings for her about her relationship with her father and his death. Whether your friend got along with him or not, liked him or not – FX would assume that she would experience some kind of negative emotions associated with his death.
FX thinks that it would be helpful for your friend to form more relationships with her peers, and wonders if she would benefit from meeting with a professional counselor about the death of her father and her relationship with him prior to his death. As her friend, the most you can do is to let her know you care about her and because you care you are concerned. You can let her know what your concerns are about her reaction to her father’s passing, the amount of time she spends with her mother, and the limited amount of time she has with peers. You can the make suggestions to her that she find ways to meet and spend time with more people her age or that she talk with a therapist about her family relationships. If she doesn’t initially respond positively to your suggestions, don’t give up – you might need to bring them up a few times over a period of time and let the ideas slowly sink in for her.
If your friend lives in northern
Signed: TeenHealthFX
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